I really with I knew how to make this blog exclusive or private.
Sometimes, I really hate being lonely and being on my own. Despite science I don't yet know and mind games or control I don't understand, I can't help but be curious and wonder.
The idea of having some kind of gang or some sort of group or secret intelligence agency who may be responsible for some deaths in some crazy imagination mind game really scares the shit out of me sometimes. I don't take my paranoia too seriously, but I can't help but wonder during specific times in the matrix if some people have some kind of symbolic connection or meaning that I would hate to feel responsible for. Its not my fault; I don't want to have that responsibility for something psycho someone else could have done.
Alice in Chains, one of the songs he is known for "Man in the Box." I still don't know how far of a definition a death means or all translations in code or whatever. Maybe it means nothing at all, but I have noticed variations of strong or weak paranoia among deaths.
I've bitched about my feelings of relation to the song before. I know socialism and capitalism must be progressively evolved, experimented, and tested with, but the idea of the matrix scares me sometimes. I don't want to feel like my soul or being will always be naked and that people will always know what is going on in my life. I won't have to worry about labels anymore. Its one of those crazy matrix moments where I want to scream "That's not what I meant!"
I'm so scared by what I don't know.
I like privacy, I like secrets, but I hate that even though my being may be naked I will still be somehow rigged, pigeon holed, or it being the cause of some route in the matrix. I don't want to think about the system now. I don't want to think about the system. Distract my mind distract my mind distract my mind.
I hate other possible things or rumors that could be going on.
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