Obsessing Out Loud

I still think he wants to kill me.
I'm afraid of other thoughts ...............

Despite all of the hatred and insanity it felt good to cry.
With such a popular personality, he probably may not think of personal disclosure or exposure on any grounds.
Maybe he likes privacy and secrets.
My assumption to guess of how far communal living and secrets go, I don't know.

I still don't want to die. Even if he wants to kill me. I don't want him to kill me.

Sometimes, even though I scream I'm a narcissist, I wonder if he thinks I have a narcissistic love for him. SNOWFLAKES. SNOWFLAKES. Knowing, whether he thinks I'm his copycat or not that there are things I can relate to. But, if he were to measure circumference or diameter of each of our snowflakes, I'm sure I'd be smaller.
I've been insane. ...............

of course a still lusty attraction. I feel I've learned about him in the past year or few, but there seems to be a lot I don't know. He definitely is a man that has somehow been involved with me through the years.

Breaking outside my focus, I'm getting so scared and concerned that beyond love, I may have to be making a major decision soon.
Either challenged to have a higher and tougher toleration. More communal thinking. More adaptation. More cutting loose whatever cutting loose means to some people. Challenged to be more loving and people pleasing with peopley people.
The other challenge is being an assasin. When killing is right and why I should be a killer. Pressure again over issues of self worth. God Bless us Everyone. Loving the new Linkin Park cd. ........................

I really wish I could just be me. I wish I could remember the name of a story I heard awhile ago that talked about trading. Of course it is more objectifying than personal, but it has some relation about what it means to compromise ........
I already told him to tell me what to do. .....................


Somethings I'm ready for.
Somethings I'm clueless and doubt I'd be ready. Personally, I like being a hater sometimes. The idea of being an assasin makes me want to pass out.