(watch the most recent Bubble Boy movie and you may get it)
I have a lot of time that I spend on my own.
A lot of time to think on my own.
Believe it or not, there are hundreds of issues I brainstorm about all of the time. The Bright and Shiny cult is a part of a cult that I do brain storm with.
If I were to seriously make a decision to be of any religion or cult, I'm the type that has a backbone about it. I'd run with Jared Leto's 30 seconds to Mars before I would run with the Bright and Shiny Cult.
I deny that I'm in any cult.
Don't get me wrong. I like to be optimistic and have happy emotions.
I'm happy for you if you are happy and if your mind is made up in your beliefs to drop all negative feelings and be happy.
Call me drama queen. Call me whatever. I've already been through this argument. I am not afraid or shameful to have negative emotions that include anger, hatred, sadness, and self pity. I'm not ashamed whatsoever.
I think it is wrong to tell people what emotions to have period.
I love being real with myself.
I think it is selfish of you, knowing what I've lived through: constantly getting fired and going through bankruptcy, for you to say I shouldn't be angry.
It is very selfish of you after I am getting severely wronged and screwed over to say I should have no angry feelings at all.
I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY.
Do I even blame you for everything? No. I really don't know who to blame. I would think that it is a number of people.
It seems moreso, you have a queen that you are sticking to and trying to make happy. While making her happy, you feel as if "her people beneath her," (I AM NOBODY'S POSSESSION). should all be happy. Therefore, when you see someone who is dissatisfied with their life (me), you feel it is your duty to appease your queen so she doesn't feel like there is anything wrong with her. She wants to be a people pleaser, and because I am not pleased, you think I should drop my anger for the sake of your queen because your queen does not like feeling inadequate.
It isn't fair to me Dane.
I am at my limits right now in saying how far I would go. Being your woman on the side is as far as I'd go.
I'm not laying my life down for your queen just so she doesn't feel inadequate. It isn't fair for you to rob me of being queen of my own world and robbing me of my true emotions and anger.
I will never kiss her feet.
I will never be her possession.
You have to respect I will not be part of your commune either. I am a separatist. I hate that I am expected to suffer for another. I am my own person.
I've already compromised some of my dreams for the present time by actually saying that I would be your woman on the side until someone else comes along.
For the longest time I have been living like a slut, because you know what? I think if I were ever in a serious relationship with a guy, I should be the first woman of priority. I should come before any other woman. I should also not have to tolerate a list of types of abuses. You have made it clear that you want to be from the bright and shiny cult and really aren't the abusive type. I don't have a problem with you not wanting to be abusive. But it is asking way too much for you to think I should not only compromise my value of wanting a relationship of fidelity, but that you think I should actually let my anger go so your queen doesn't feel inadequate. I put myself before your queen but I give you your free will.
I WILL NOT COMPROMISE MYSELF ANY FURTHER. IF YOU CONTINUE TO TEST ME TO COMPROMISE MYSELF FOR YOUR QUEEN I WILL GET LOUD. I WILL EMBARASS YOU EVEN IF YOU HAVE MORE MISSILES TO EMBARASS ME. YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH EXPECTING THOSE PIGGISH DEMANDS AND PUSHING ME EVEN FURTHER TO COMPROMISE.
I'M ALREADY HURTING, EMBARASSED, AND IN ENOUGH PAIN KNOWING THAT I'M NOT YOUR NUMBER 1 PRIORITY, KNOWING THAT YOU HAVE HURT ME AND THAT I CAN'T FIND ANYONE BETTER THAN YOU. I'M HURT BECAUSE I FEEL MY DREAMS ARE ALREADY BUSTED AND TAINTED.
YOU CAN'T FORCE A PERSON TO BE HAPPY OF SOMETHING THEY REALLY AREN'T HAPPY ABOUT.
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