Taking guesses............................
Years ago with so many movies being thrown at me at one time, it was already established that I saw myself as Rose and my sister as Cameron Diaz in the movie, "In her Shoes." It seemed more directed at Dane T, which I still have yet to have a face to face conversation with him despite the matrix chaos.
But, even though the world turns and that Marxist's make changes throughout time, my thoughts have pretty much remained the same. Well, more of a dried up and worn out desert version. I love my sister. We are simply 2 different people period. I will never be the one to follow her or look up to her. I notice she does have an issue and even though she continuously denies that I won't worship her, she continues to compete. She does not have my respect as someone to follow after. I hate that some people are relentless and fail to see the differences that we have. I consider them lazy and too closed minded to understand that it is ok that we are different having varying strengths and weaknesses. It seems as if I keep on blindly being fed to wolves who are relentless competitors with cheering for one or the other in an inferiority battle rather than just say we are simply different. When it comes to competition with my sister, people have remained lazy about the issue, and it is a reason I feel hopeless about ever being loved. People are not sensitively smart enough to differentiate us from each other. I will never compete with her the way people want me to compete.
Speaking of ways, I also see another aggression about having more than one name. While I still have issues with the matrix and the system, I understand the complications it has. Someone even had their own perspective of that recent movie with Hugh Grant and Sarah from Sex and the City.
I can be a busy body, but when it comes to drama with people, I get laid back. I've had my issues. I've felt misunderstood. I have also given up on hope with some. And I have also been in a period of waiting, because there are times when I feel like I'm the one who feels like the literal slave in the friendship.
I'm not necessarily directing this song at you, but regardless, it is a song I sing to myself and have even annoyed others with:
It really goes back to the issue of control and power.
Further than that, it gets into competition of how to get a man's or woman's attention or their own way in general. Power of strength.
It's no wonder that I'm a loner.
I have issues with sincerity versus people using each other as competition to get something they want.
Differences in how people view relationships.
So, its not that I really am in fear or have a low self esteem in the matter (unless I'm around some sort of group or gang putting a gun to my head demanding that I be at their mercy or answer to them).
(I have warned some people of future embarassment for the fact that they don't back off and do expect me to be their slave or at their mercy).
Anyway, I'm laid back, and really in a waiting period. I'm trying to get a job in the local area, but there are not many options here. With the reality of drama that has happened, I choose to keep my distance from people. I've felt desperate. I have said that there are personal issues. Even if the matrix was designed elsewhere to have the same problems, it will not change who I am and it still defeats the argument of snowflakes that it really does sometime depend on a particular person.
It really is others that set me up to fail, or who suffocate and starve and wait for me to fail. I feel hated and persecuted.
If it is your drama or problem, I will respond to you the best I can. It's my hunch that it comes from you.
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