Dear Dane

Nothing new really this morning. I have fresh ideas on my mind.

I know sometimes, men think that whining and complaining is annoying and pointless. I'd rather risk having those labels than not trying at all.

It is some Russian paranoia. I think there is acknowledgement that even though I'm still considered a small person, that I'm still standing on the inside. It bothers me with the way they challenge me as a leader.
It goes back to the idea of issues of balance and possessiveness.
Of course Russia is known as being corrupt. Further than that is the fact that within their corruption, they have the potential to be expert manipulators that go unnoticed when it comes to slave labor and issues of give and take. Right now, I'm thinking more of values than financially if values are ever at all honestly cared for or taken into account with Russia.
I think they expect too much of me when it comes to accountability. Back to slave labor.
Even within the U.S., some people fail to see just how impossible others are. I think Russia wants to blame me for Stalinism or starving people.
Russia does not fairly do the math.
I do not have a literal title.
I am not wealthy.
I am the one who is scapegoated.
I am the one who works among impossible people that are guilty of starving me themselves with their lack of realness or acknowledgement.

To have some sort of fairness with the U.S., there have been several people to acknowledge how difficult it is to find people these days who are being real.
Some people are too wrapped up in competition, hatefulness, their own selfish ways that they aren't real.

Russia however, expects me to continue to "feed" people. What I mean by that is maintaining communication and giving responses with a sincere and genuine heart. Throwing pearls to swine. They don't see it that way of course.
They would rather hold me accountable for being responsible for starving others when I'm the one who has been with the short end of the stick.
Russia seems more impossible than America for the fact that I feel more ignored over the fact that they don't even make effort to fight off their own label of corruption to prove they are trusting and continue to insist that I not ignore or be neglectful of the impossible takers in my life.

The torment of the U.S. and the piggishness and arrogance of most. Some would deny how impossible and without reason they are and continue in insisting thier arrogance and how I'm inferior or lie about me altogether.
I still have issues with the way people compete.
I really have given up and become hopeless.
It makes no sense for me to keep trying at a job, but I do anyway because even if I can hold a job for a couple of months, I still would try to make whatever cash when I can. Desperate to survive.

As for last night, I had to make comments. I still love you. I don't always believe what the media says and I have doubts about other things. It is rare that I am on the same page as others but I like to keep myself a little informed of what is going on in the world around me. I really would rather continue to try to work things out with you whenever I can. I find it hard to believe you are being a sincere woman hater by demanding me or another to get on my knees at any command. Even though you have been hateful, it just doesn't seem to make sense that that is how you're reacting. Don't be surprised if Maggie stalkishly reads this too to try to take control or dictate how I see you. Other women are sadistically obsessed over any opportunity to tell me how to live. Men too.
I've hardly worked as a social worker and already feel burned with how some try so hard to compete with me. I'm so disgusted of people telling me how to live. More disgusted by that than if you seriously were demanding to suck your cock.
My personality does not match Lady Gaga's paparazzi song at all. I'm not obsessed with being the paparazzi's people pleaser.
I hate how I'm vulnerable to the immature judgement of others. I hate how I'm vulnerable of being watched and framed altogether.

I'm going to go work out now.