Dear Dane

I'll try to address all the drama.
Right now, I'm staying true to my word that you have me all to yourself. I'm still a flirt and nice to other guys and dancing, but nothing too severe.
I'm not ignoring possible complaints. I've already called you and others commies and having to deal with my own personal troubles is something you may eventually get. Maybe you may never understand. It probably goes back to a guess that you don't like my personality and how I deal with others in life. A guess that you dislike the stereotype of China. Anyway, I'm doing my best to deal.
Online, it seems a lot more peopley today. There are so many issues that it is hard to not be a snob, but I will be as cooperative as I can tolerate right now.
I have some kind of extra sense that some people from my church in Oklahoma may be around now. Guts church. Complications and grudges. I'll remind you of my territorial self and I really have a hard time when other people are in charge or condescending. I guess it explains some of my Burmuda and matrix wonder, but I don't completely get everything. Anyway, Megan and Shawn. I used to love him. I really have moved on from the church but it seems they are still involved in my life. It is a reason that it is awkward being friends with Megan. That, and the fact that she can be condescending. If I were to have anything I would like them to change is to acknowledge that some people think differently. My mind is not always in competitive mode. My agenda is not always the same. I'm not always on the same page. I still have issues with people taking charge or some kind of dominion over me with telling me how to run my life. You are the only person I have given permission to tell me what to do because of my life's circumstances right now. There really are some things I like about Megan and agree with. I still don't know how she is your Sampson. I don't know how serious of a Christian you are, and maybe your offense against her is with the compromise of a choice Megan Fox made that really isn't the ideal Christian stereotype? I don't know.
I still have a tough time with you judging me to call me Charlie Sheen. That really is extreme judgement to say about me. It pisses me off. It's not like you're innocent of being faithful. Why is it fair for you? I already said I'd let go of my hate with the double standard and I have and I remind you that right now, I'm still staying true to my word that I'm not with anyone.
I get confused with Leto.
In my personal life, things are ok. I've been applying for a few jobs, but sometimes it takes longer than others to officially land some kind of job.
I tried to communicate and bridge somethings yesterday with my little sis. The serious issues where I feel both of our lives are in danger. I deny that I'm on drugs. I've never made that choice a day in my life. I drink alcohol, but thats it. My sister has made that choice and still treat her as being fragile, but I don't think she'll ever see herself that way. I am scared for her and her past/present drug addictions. I know she probably is around dangerous people. I have been sent a few signals that her life is in danger. Right now, I think its more of a self righteous battle with my Kim Jong Il grandmother and her going to church together. It seems as if someone is just waiting for the either of us to get killed over any self righteous agenda for the sake of who knows what. I hate that I feel we have to compete with each other so cruelly. It is not how I want it at all. Of course it isn't fair for my life to be in danger and suffer because of her drug addiction. I think she is most threatened when she or someone else associated with her gets away with being a pig and winning while I am the one to pay the price for their piggishness. Their self rightouse bullet is for the dog issue every single time even though it was something that happened years ago at a young age. If people wanted to go further with judgement I think I already mentioned it in the blog about the Oscars. Blame me for drinking or blame me for not killing a drug lord yet. Not sure if you are on drugs. I stay silent and keep my caution. I love you. I don't want you to kill me and I don't want to kill you.
Other guesses. I have never been with a woman. I don't consider myself a lesbian. I find other women to be attractive. I could not see myself in a serious relationship or married to another woman. I hate how I have been judged in the past with the friends that I have for being a lesbian with them. They really were my friends who I loved and cherished as friends at one time. That accusation and feeling truly yet blindly betrayed by them all is another reason I no longer have friends.
I have told Sid to come out of the closet. It was a phrase that was not necessarily aimed at him being gay. I'm not being judgemental if he is or isn't. I'm just saying, I don't personally know him. I picked up on that he personally knows me and is involved in my life and has an effect on it somehow. That is why I say he hides in the closet. Too much I don't know about him. I'm the one who is expected to be at his mercy. Yes, I've had feelings for him before, but right now my heart is not with him.
Speaking of that. I really don't completly get the matrix yet. I know I was expected to be at your mercy a few years ago but there were a lot of hurts you were guilty of at the same time of hurting me around the time I watched the Daily Show. I did have feelings for Jon but he is another person I've moved on from. I'm sorry for the damage it caused us even though things didn't make much sense then. I told Tracy that I wish her and her family a good future. I swallow my pride to say I'm her asshole for loving Jon at the time because I didn't respect their marriage and Jon eventually became my asshole. I really do feel ashamed of the idea or possible reality of being a homewrecker. I can't see the real drama that goes on in his family. I'm very sorry to you too.

I really can't see the entire world around me or what my future holds. I hope you're doing well. In simpler, I hope you're having a good day. I know you just celebrated your B-Day and must be exhausted for staying up 48 hours. I'm not expecting much from you now, but I hope you are doing well.

Love
Sarah