Loud and clear, but not exactly clear.
I'm taking notes on you Cook.
My biggest defense is:
I'm sure you've seen it. Youtube won't let me paste the original for some reason.
Besides getting lost in the sound and not knowing what gets directed at who and the fact that I've been to the hospital a couple of times and on some hard meds for being driven insane by both harassment, psychological abuse, and bad communication. I still do have an argument and a point.
If my life really did boil down to one last drop of staying alive and surviving, I still have a very hard time coming to a conclusion. I know what I've lived through, the real choices I have made, and some recognition I have recieved. Why does it even matter any more if I'm so miserable and going bankrupt? I have thought about some of my more obvious influences that really are for the greater good. I don't have strong Italian roots, therefore the whole Roman idea is not something I'm supportive of. If I could choose to be anything through strict labels and pigeon holing, I'd rather be a conservative.
Even though I have already been criticized for some flaws on my body and that I don't have big boobs, I still take it as an insult for someone to give a hint: "You know what you're good at? Just get naked." I'm complicated with taking looks and beauty as a compliment. I value intelligence and being seen as a respected and of some intellect person. I think there is a difference between being a slut and a stripper. And, I have always been a free slut.
Being a stripper feels wrong to me. It just does. I feel I have been around and exposed to a lot of Roman culture. It may be simple and not even thought of for one person. For me to make a decision like that really is a big deal. It is a huge deal. Even though I'm a slut, I still value my sexuality. I could admit that sometimes, when entertainment isn't even about sexuality, it isn't a big deal for me to be an entertainer. I still havn't figured out the massive Burmuda, but I feel so used and it gets depressing in complications of so many paths: being drained by some unknown giving me to wide scale entertainment while I try to hold down the simplest of jobs. competition among entertainment. competition of getting the credit issues. Another reminder of privacy and 4th ammendment. Feeling violated.
It has been a battle the entire time fighting over my personal self, not being another's possession, having my privacy and rights.
It is totally different and a big deal to make the choice of being a stripper or sexual entertainer.
I have been connected to Megan before. I still argue that I have never made the choice to be in any sexual showbiz of lists of various careers in nudity. I have never been paid for any entertainment whether it be sexual or not. I have an issue with both Maggie and Megan over the issue.
I'm not of the Roman culture at all. I like the idea of personal exclusiveness and privacy even though I've already felt violated of that.
It's not even some of the guys that I've been with that I'd accuse of violation. In my younger and more innocent years, I have blamed for feeling tricked into sleeping with someone. But in my time now, when I make a choice to sleep with someone, I simply make the choice. But sleeping with someone and making the choice to give myself to some sort of media is 2 completely different things.
If there were no pigeon holing or desperation of giving a label, I'd be a libertarian before any political choice. But right now, because of extremeness, I feel more pushed to say I'm a conservative. I'd wear the label of being judgemental. When it comes to serious issues of survival, I have a seriously hard time making a decision. I hate how it sounds. I only demanded exclusive provision, but without any real relationship and even if it is with just one person, it would still destroy everything I've fought for. It would be against everything I've been.
I'm not sure how Megan is your Sampson and I get lost in the sound again when I start reading your perception.
I've also started looking at some Sheen news but havn't seen everything. I have seen the Chuck Lorre and know there is other personal drama going on with you. I'm still anorexic to Sheen's name, but I see other guesses of men that you would connect him to. It may be drama that I will eventually catch up with.
Dane, I have a really hard time making a choice. Maybe I should just think more, talk to other people not knowing who to talk to. I've been at the end of rope after rope from one job to the other. You are one complicated predator that makes it really difficult. I still would call myself a sucker for you before I would call you a rapist or blame you for all random sexual harassments that I am blind to.
As for the further complications I feel so desperate.
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