I actually had a good bit of drama to talk about yesterday, but I can only talk about so much at once and I'm glad that I did leave Christmas as Christmas.
I'll start with Russia and England. I also want to remind that though there are common traits between my sister's capitalist matrix and my down to earth personal sister, they are two different matrices/things to talk about and be personal with.
I really don't plan to spend a lifetime in studying my sister's matrix or capitalism. I've already dealt with the fact that there are some people in the world (not all) that think my sister should "be above," me. In thinking about just the matrix itself and the general idea of the capitalist set, it looks like my assumptions have been very on target with what some things are about with some people. I still think the damnation is ridiculous. It really is about "holier than thou," and fascism. The poison picked on her end in the capitalist world is drugs, and it seems as if people are serious with the good die young and to "pick a poison." It also seems serious that my sister and people she is ganged up with are also recieving death threats on their end as well for the poison they picked. It seems like the competition and reason for any kind of war or battle with my sister's capitalism and I with always be some sort of black sheep fued or holy war with variances of ignorance or about fascism and popularity. Even my sister's capitalism seems nothing but a dead weight to me that has no end. It was never my fault or responsibility how a number of people chose to take me or percieve me. My beginning anger was most targeted at the concept of Prince and many reasons to be angry stemming from that and also throughout all of the time since then.
I'm going to talk about my sister on a personal level right now. As much as her gangsterism bothers me and as much as I get upset at her piggishness and corruption and that she would be favored over me, I still have some kind of sympathy for my sister. Sometimes, with who she is, I wonder if she will get murdered before me for just how arrogant and egocentric she is. Like I've already said, my sister is not the only person who is responsible of wanting to be possessive of me. I've mentioned other names in the Ali Larter list who I think are possessive and obsessive as well. While it looks like some people in the capitalist world are being a little more yielding; I havn't noticed much of a difference in my sister. I have never seen my sister as being civil and having a better sense of maturity. It is always going to be about a domination game, and while not all the lyrics of the song match the scene with my sister, it is another limp biscuit of "Behind blue eyes." It just never ends with Katie. She probably would put "I know you are but what am I?" About the concept of calling the shots, but she doesn't have the maturity to understand her codependency for what it is and she isn't even close to having any sense of accuracy in judgement. Of course I know I'm not the only person who has issues against judgement, but she gives herself the most extreme entitlement anytime she wants to. I feel sorry because I think she does get influenced by Joe that aggression is everything and fascism is everything, and I hate the way she lies to herself with him. She is really going to get herself killed by someone one day. I consider her to be ignoring and harassing to me at the same time. She doesn't acknowledge me and is very set on her codependency where I am the extremely inadequate and psychologically messed up "Frieda Kahlo." So why don't my sister and I ever talk anymore? I think I painted the picture for others to get it.
Back to other thoughts in life. Kelly had a lot of discussion on her show today. I havn't completely caught on to Kelly's language yet and I don't know how to completely take her. There is some drama that I can only go so far in playing around with. I don't completely believe everything I see or hear. Anyway, while it looks like some talk is further developing, I'm also catching onto some new gossip or things that could be going on in the matrix that I havn't seen yet. Channing Tatum. My best guess with his character would be Chance Chapman. He may have some capitalism with Seth, but I have seen Seth as representing himself thus far. The only foodstamp I saw of Chance's was when I had an interview a couple of months ago at a pawn shop. And, I also think he had a share with John, the baby's father as well. So, I'm finding out that he is stalking me to my face and playing dirty with lies. He also seems to be continuing on with the contest over who is more right or wrong. The fling we had was the only thing that was alright. Everything else he has really started off with the wrong foot and it seems like nothing but BSing, wreckage, and very unreasonable demands this whole time. He looks like he is upset a little and I do consider myself to be a more flexible Meatloaf, but I'm still leaning more on meatloaf with I won't do that in putting up with him. He is still on my bad side and despite some drama and things already said, I think Kelly has shown a fair level of reason to both sides. I really don't like the idea of every relationship to always have to be mediated, tabloided, or talked about. There has been no official communism that is pertaining to him and I to force us to do anything (while there has been communism with other things). Right now, where I am, I see it as things aren't working and the little bit of pity party he is giving himself, just isn't enough for me to cave into him in anyway. ~I just don't have enough grapes for him~ poor boy. As for Seth? He has and hasn't run me off. I'm still being indecisive and playing with him. I'm still in between leisure and having a reason. Do I think he is serious about any marriage proposal? Not really, but I still want to play around with him. If Seth was representing someone else, and someone was serious about wanting to marry me, I really do not know who seriously wants to marry me.
In finishing with the idea of Chance, he is too far out for me right now. He is not on my radar. I don't have any idea of him or what could be going on. He may just be having some "brotherly love," of being a safety net. In our school we didn't have any serious sororities or fraternities; it was brother and sister wings. Wingcest! ah! lol.
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