New Years. Be there or be square. oxymoron because it is at the square. In the sim world, it doesn't look like I have much of a choice. Fergie and Sarah Fergeson are two other people that I havn't been a Dora with yet. Fergie can be fun, but Sarah is another reminder of my bankruptcy. I was also anorexic to the media portrayal with how she reacted to her English ex-hubby. Sometimes, I don't care about people BSing about relationships with me because I do see a sense of safety in confusing predators of sorts. Other times, like so many other lies, the lies can be tormenting sometimes with who I'm supposedly in relationships with and how many divorces I've lived through. Some people and sims I can't help but have some kind of attraction, attachment, or curiosity to. Back to the idea of New Years, I don't know if I will be up that late or not. I don't have any special plans this year. I hate being stuck here with nothing to do and being too poor and just being sluggish after it all.
January will definitely be a busy month though once it gets here. I have a lot on my calender.
In as the Sarah turns, there really isn't a lot of new drama. I still have a puppy love for Seth and have been paying attention to him directly and some of the media. There is some confusion and some things that I'm anorexic to. I'm anorexic because things just aren't tangible. I can only play imagination games and sim/matrix games so much until I reach a point of, "seriously?" Seriously in a sense where I feel I'm never going to beat the video game/sim world. In Burmuda, there could be confusion with Jared because I came to a time where I said if he really wanted to do things in a different style like arab/indie/hindu where communication is not the typical type of communication, I would be there for him. Reflecting, he has already done something to piss me off that also ran me off in a sense of not having the same affection or attraction. I still keep an eye on him because he seems like he is a VIP of the matrix/comspiracy.
Seth, I think he may be along the same lines as most celebrities that lead me on. I still look at him as the previous music video that I mentioned with Zooey D. It doesn't count as much as he wants it to count. In the reality of finances, I'd love to have a sugar daddy/man, but in most cases it seems the relationship has never happened. I'm not the literal banker, but through so much time in a way that is hard to describe and also a very elaborately detailed history of being screwed over, I feel like I am being robbed. Only when there are crazy expectations or serious expectations is when I throw a fit over Prince and think how? or why? This is all messages through the media anyway. I still see myself as being alone more than in any serious or tangible relationship. This is a big factor of my sanity/conundrum/confusion and wonder of any real expectation?
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
As The Sarah Turns
I actually had a good bit of drama to talk about yesterday, but I can only talk about so much at once and I'm glad that I did leave Christmas as Christmas.
I'll start with Russia and England. I also want to remind that though there are common traits between my sister's capitalist matrix and my down to earth personal sister, they are two different matrices/things to talk about and be personal with.
I really don't plan to spend a lifetime in studying my sister's matrix or capitalism. I've already dealt with the fact that there are some people in the world (not all) that think my sister should "be above," me. In thinking about just the matrix itself and the general idea of the capitalist set, it looks like my assumptions have been very on target with what some things are about with some people. I still think the damnation is ridiculous. It really is about "holier than thou," and fascism. The poison picked on her end in the capitalist world is drugs, and it seems as if people are serious with the good die young and to "pick a poison." It also seems serious that my sister and people she is ganged up with are also recieving death threats on their end as well for the poison they picked. It seems like the competition and reason for any kind of war or battle with my sister's capitalism and I with always be some sort of black sheep fued or holy war with variances of ignorance or about fascism and popularity. Even my sister's capitalism seems nothing but a dead weight to me that has no end. It was never my fault or responsibility how a number of people chose to take me or percieve me. My beginning anger was most targeted at the concept of Prince and many reasons to be angry stemming from that and also throughout all of the time since then.
I'm going to talk about my sister on a personal level right now. As much as her gangsterism bothers me and as much as I get upset at her piggishness and corruption and that she would be favored over me, I still have some kind of sympathy for my sister. Sometimes, with who she is, I wonder if she will get murdered before me for just how arrogant and egocentric she is. Like I've already said, my sister is not the only person who is responsible of wanting to be possessive of me. I've mentioned other names in the Ali Larter list who I think are possessive and obsessive as well. While it looks like some people in the capitalist world are being a little more yielding; I havn't noticed much of a difference in my sister. I have never seen my sister as being civil and having a better sense of maturity. It is always going to be about a domination game, and while not all the lyrics of the song match the scene with my sister, it is another limp biscuit of "Behind blue eyes." It just never ends with Katie. She probably would put "I know you are but what am I?" About the concept of calling the shots, but she doesn't have the maturity to understand her codependency for what it is and she isn't even close to having any sense of accuracy in judgement. Of course I know I'm not the only person who has issues against judgement, but she gives herself the most extreme entitlement anytime she wants to. I feel sorry because I think she does get influenced by Joe that aggression is everything and fascism is everything, and I hate the way she lies to herself with him. She is really going to get herself killed by someone one day. I consider her to be ignoring and harassing to me at the same time. She doesn't acknowledge me and is very set on her codependency where I am the extremely inadequate and psychologically messed up "Frieda Kahlo." So why don't my sister and I ever talk anymore? I think I painted the picture for others to get it.
Back to other thoughts in life. Kelly had a lot of discussion on her show today. I havn't completely caught on to Kelly's language yet and I don't know how to completely take her. There is some drama that I can only go so far in playing around with. I don't completely believe everything I see or hear. Anyway, while it looks like some talk is further developing, I'm also catching onto some new gossip or things that could be going on in the matrix that I havn't seen yet. Channing Tatum. My best guess with his character would be Chance Chapman. He may have some capitalism with Seth, but I have seen Seth as representing himself thus far. The only foodstamp I saw of Chance's was when I had an interview a couple of months ago at a pawn shop. And, I also think he had a share with John, the baby's father as well. So, I'm finding out that he is stalking me to my face and playing dirty with lies. He also seems to be continuing on with the contest over who is more right or wrong. The fling we had was the only thing that was alright. Everything else he has really started off with the wrong foot and it seems like nothing but BSing, wreckage, and very unreasonable demands this whole time. He looks like he is upset a little and I do consider myself to be a more flexible Meatloaf, but I'm still leaning more on meatloaf with I won't do that in putting up with him. He is still on my bad side and despite some drama and things already said, I think Kelly has shown a fair level of reason to both sides. I really don't like the idea of every relationship to always have to be mediated, tabloided, or talked about. There has been no official communism that is pertaining to him and I to force us to do anything (while there has been communism with other things). Right now, where I am, I see it as things aren't working and the little bit of pity party he is giving himself, just isn't enough for me to cave into him in anyway. ~I just don't have enough grapes for him~ poor boy. As for Seth? He has and hasn't run me off. I'm still being indecisive and playing with him. I'm still in between leisure and having a reason. Do I think he is serious about any marriage proposal? Not really, but I still want to play around with him. If Seth was representing someone else, and someone was serious about wanting to marry me, I really do not know who seriously wants to marry me.
In finishing with the idea of Chance, he is too far out for me right now. He is not on my radar. I don't have any idea of him or what could be going on. He may just be having some "brotherly love," of being a safety net. In our school we didn't have any serious sororities or fraternities; it was brother and sister wings. Wingcest! ah! lol.
I'll start with Russia and England. I also want to remind that though there are common traits between my sister's capitalist matrix and my down to earth personal sister, they are two different matrices/things to talk about and be personal with.
I really don't plan to spend a lifetime in studying my sister's matrix or capitalism. I've already dealt with the fact that there are some people in the world (not all) that think my sister should "be above," me. In thinking about just the matrix itself and the general idea of the capitalist set, it looks like my assumptions have been very on target with what some things are about with some people. I still think the damnation is ridiculous. It really is about "holier than thou," and fascism. The poison picked on her end in the capitalist world is drugs, and it seems as if people are serious with the good die young and to "pick a poison." It also seems serious that my sister and people she is ganged up with are also recieving death threats on their end as well for the poison they picked. It seems like the competition and reason for any kind of war or battle with my sister's capitalism and I with always be some sort of black sheep fued or holy war with variances of ignorance or about fascism and popularity. Even my sister's capitalism seems nothing but a dead weight to me that has no end. It was never my fault or responsibility how a number of people chose to take me or percieve me. My beginning anger was most targeted at the concept of Prince and many reasons to be angry stemming from that and also throughout all of the time since then.
I'm going to talk about my sister on a personal level right now. As much as her gangsterism bothers me and as much as I get upset at her piggishness and corruption and that she would be favored over me, I still have some kind of sympathy for my sister. Sometimes, with who she is, I wonder if she will get murdered before me for just how arrogant and egocentric she is. Like I've already said, my sister is not the only person who is responsible of wanting to be possessive of me. I've mentioned other names in the Ali Larter list who I think are possessive and obsessive as well. While it looks like some people in the capitalist world are being a little more yielding; I havn't noticed much of a difference in my sister. I have never seen my sister as being civil and having a better sense of maturity. It is always going to be about a domination game, and while not all the lyrics of the song match the scene with my sister, it is another limp biscuit of "Behind blue eyes." It just never ends with Katie. She probably would put "I know you are but what am I?" About the concept of calling the shots, but she doesn't have the maturity to understand her codependency for what it is and she isn't even close to having any sense of accuracy in judgement. Of course I know I'm not the only person who has issues against judgement, but she gives herself the most extreme entitlement anytime she wants to. I feel sorry because I think she does get influenced by Joe that aggression is everything and fascism is everything, and I hate the way she lies to herself with him. She is really going to get herself killed by someone one day. I consider her to be ignoring and harassing to me at the same time. She doesn't acknowledge me and is very set on her codependency where I am the extremely inadequate and psychologically messed up "Frieda Kahlo." So why don't my sister and I ever talk anymore? I think I painted the picture for others to get it.
Back to other thoughts in life. Kelly had a lot of discussion on her show today. I havn't completely caught on to Kelly's language yet and I don't know how to completely take her. There is some drama that I can only go so far in playing around with. I don't completely believe everything I see or hear. Anyway, while it looks like some talk is further developing, I'm also catching onto some new gossip or things that could be going on in the matrix that I havn't seen yet. Channing Tatum. My best guess with his character would be Chance Chapman. He may have some capitalism with Seth, but I have seen Seth as representing himself thus far. The only foodstamp I saw of Chance's was when I had an interview a couple of months ago at a pawn shop. And, I also think he had a share with John, the baby's father as well. So, I'm finding out that he is stalking me to my face and playing dirty with lies. He also seems to be continuing on with the contest over who is more right or wrong. The fling we had was the only thing that was alright. Everything else he has really started off with the wrong foot and it seems like nothing but BSing, wreckage, and very unreasonable demands this whole time. He looks like he is upset a little and I do consider myself to be a more flexible Meatloaf, but I'm still leaning more on meatloaf with I won't do that in putting up with him. He is still on my bad side and despite some drama and things already said, I think Kelly has shown a fair level of reason to both sides. I really don't like the idea of every relationship to always have to be mediated, tabloided, or talked about. There has been no official communism that is pertaining to him and I to force us to do anything (while there has been communism with other things). Right now, where I am, I see it as things aren't working and the little bit of pity party he is giving himself, just isn't enough for me to cave into him in anyway. ~I just don't have enough grapes for him~ poor boy. As for Seth? He has and hasn't run me off. I'm still being indecisive and playing with him. I'm still in between leisure and having a reason. Do I think he is serious about any marriage proposal? Not really, but I still want to play around with him. If Seth was representing someone else, and someone was serious about wanting to marry me, I really do not know who seriously wants to marry me.
In finishing with the idea of Chance, he is too far out for me right now. He is not on my radar. I don't have any idea of him or what could be going on. He may just be having some "brotherly love," of being a safety net. In our school we didn't have any serious sororities or fraternities; it was brother and sister wings. Wingcest! ah! lol.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Dear Seth
Now it looks like it is gossip time. hmph. It is a couple of things. Jason could be representing himself or Joe C. I'm confused in the characterization of it all. In the devil story, I'm not on the same page at all and I'm leaving it at that. As for the Jesus skit..... Normally, I would really laugh at that. I have an issue with Joe though and I look at him in more of an angry way over the whole god complex issue. Is Tebow supposed to be Shawn? Is this Joe's prank on Shawn or are you making fun of them both? I'm not sure of the relation you have with Joe or even Shawn. I know they are trouble and must be responsible for some things that I don't know yet and have a strong hunch at the things that I do know. I'm still not on good terms with either of them. Joe has been the most recent that I've felt harassed by. It has been one of the "Cap," brothers. I think they probably are responsible for a good amount of my damnation. I think they have some other gangsters they work with who share the responsibility of my damnation. Right now, I bet Joe is getting so high off of himself with the whole stripper thing. Either that or planning some booing or degrading revenge. I hate the short time frame of when I made one statement to the next. I'll just say surviving on my own is different than surviving with a child. It isn't definite. I just may find a job before I have to make myself be a different type of money maker.
I don't have much else to say about the guys. I don't know what is going on with them or if there is stuff to look out for, what it is that I should look out for.
In other thoughts about you personally, I still don't know what to think of you. I'm glad you're still talking to me and being friendly. I know I can be a stickler on communication but I'm also serious about feeling overloaded sometimes. I don't always get info I want, and other times there is too much info to take in at one time. Some thoughts I have about things are more elaborate than others. I can't think of anything else to say right now.
I don't have much else to say about the guys. I don't know what is going on with them or if there is stuff to look out for, what it is that I should look out for.
In other thoughts about you personally, I still don't know what to think of you. I'm glad you're still talking to me and being friendly. I know I can be a stickler on communication but I'm also serious about feeling overloaded sometimes. I don't always get info I want, and other times there is too much info to take in at one time. Some thoughts I have about things are more elaborate than others. I can't think of anything else to say right now.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Captain's Log
Seth
I'll first start by clarifying my tweet. Whoever the person is who produced the scene, is who I am aiming the comment at.
....I can see some of your game while I am partially blinded to things that are going on with you. You really do a good job at keeping me confused. One thing you can be fortunate about is that I have some level of fairness when it comes to some level of understanding with games and confusion. You really are throwing a lot of things out there while still having some kind of friendliness and leading me on. I don't know who your blond woman is even though I think you make her have several shares with me. I'm not sure if I "own" the "entire stock" in your world, or the math of your Burlusconi role. While I hate arrogance and egocentricity, you just as well may be part of the group and consider me in denial by making me the blond woman to say that what I'm really saying is that "I am at your mercy."
So, I have no other choice but to give you further updates in where I am. "At your mercy," in a different kind of context and extent. In my own personal world, you can call me shady now by being in between of being leisure and paying attention to you for a reason.
In the larger world, you lead me more to wonder what is really going on with everyone with how some things are being said and I still don't know the entire history with you or everyone else.
Back to the idea of subjectivity: presently at the time, I think you as a person have value and potential of being lovable.
In the general concept, I have already been reading in between the lines that I am of some disappointment to the military for the fact of not competing to be a top sex object and also being very hardcore against dictatorships and tyranny and things having to be done a certain way...........In some ways, I have a personal effect on the breadwinners and most likely their egos as well. It effects the country as a whole, and by god, I won't be a liar about it either.
In coming back to you as a person, I really do think that you are expecting too much of me in the way you are both playing me and leading me on. You are also expecting too much because I do know some of my history for what it is and also the state of pregnancy I am in. Most guys really are not understanding or have any concept at all with how I feel about the blame game, people's ignorance, and people's ridiculousness and extremism. Right now, there are no pressure points being triggered, but I still consider it a danger zone and on very thin ice not just with "Parks and Recreation," but the entire war of the blame game and the issues of pigs and responsibilities.
I may be poor and vulnerable and at some disadvantages, but what it is you are going for right now with me in my world is a big deal even if life continues in me being forced to be the scapegoat or "one who is wrong."
I really could do a post right now of: "oh, you're making me sing."
I already have several broken records that can keep on playing and that I already have sang. So there. I even already made a blog "Broken record, so be it."
I'll first start by clarifying my tweet. Whoever the person is who produced the scene, is who I am aiming the comment at.
....I can see some of your game while I am partially blinded to things that are going on with you. You really do a good job at keeping me confused. One thing you can be fortunate about is that I have some level of fairness when it comes to some level of understanding with games and confusion. You really are throwing a lot of things out there while still having some kind of friendliness and leading me on. I don't know who your blond woman is even though I think you make her have several shares with me. I'm not sure if I "own" the "entire stock" in your world, or the math of your Burlusconi role. While I hate arrogance and egocentricity, you just as well may be part of the group and consider me in denial by making me the blond woman to say that what I'm really saying is that "I am at your mercy."
So, I have no other choice but to give you further updates in where I am. "At your mercy," in a different kind of context and extent. In my own personal world, you can call me shady now by being in between of being leisure and paying attention to you for a reason.
In the larger world, you lead me more to wonder what is really going on with everyone with how some things are being said and I still don't know the entire history with you or everyone else.
Back to the idea of subjectivity: presently at the time, I think you as a person have value and potential of being lovable.
In the general concept, I have already been reading in between the lines that I am of some disappointment to the military for the fact of not competing to be a top sex object and also being very hardcore against dictatorships and tyranny and things having to be done a certain way...........In some ways, I have a personal effect on the breadwinners and most likely their egos as well. It effects the country as a whole, and by god, I won't be a liar about it either.
In coming back to you as a person, I really do think that you are expecting too much of me in the way you are both playing me and leading me on. You are also expecting too much because I do know some of my history for what it is and also the state of pregnancy I am in. Most guys really are not understanding or have any concept at all with how I feel about the blame game, people's ignorance, and people's ridiculousness and extremism. Right now, there are no pressure points being triggered, but I still consider it a danger zone and on very thin ice not just with "Parks and Recreation," but the entire war of the blame game and the issues of pigs and responsibilities.
I may be poor and vulnerable and at some disadvantages, but what it is you are going for right now with me in my world is a big deal even if life continues in me being forced to be the scapegoat or "one who is wrong."
I really could do a post right now of: "oh, you're making me sing."
I already have several broken records that can keep on playing and that I already have sang. So there. I even already made a blog "Broken record, so be it."
Monday, December 12, 2011
You want to talk more about the baby?
Seth
I'm not ignoring the jabs that you are making at me. I'm taking it more as you pulling me towards you for conversation. With one "god," comment you made, you seem like you take life easy and are lighthearted. You don't seem too sincere about any jokes of comment.
Still, I am being serious and sincere. I'm not taking back the comment I made yesterday about the 16 and pregnant thing. It isn't my fault that I'm poor. I don't know if you get or even question my math yet about being poor and vulnerable. I also don't know how you do the math with me being immature, or a "later 2 year maturation" of an 18 year old. How do you really do the math with immaturity?
I was actually talking to my therapist today about people with the god complex and their entitlement to be pigs. That was some of my biggest issues today and I also talked a lot about my job issues. Maybe you actually want to have some kind of conversation over it or want a piece of my vulnerability. Maybe you just want to make jabs at me or poke fun at me just for your own victimizing sake.
You are showing your confidence and a sense of harmlessness about the baby issue, and there is a possibility that I could be getting deceived by you, me, or the mixture of us. Edward didn't want the baby.......... and foxes, they are technically different than wolves but still, it's own species of dogs.
Besides one main hunch with you being compared to a severe chauvenist, there is another hunch that I have noticed and will remain vague about for now. While I know for myself what my own personal damages and scars are, I do know the gist of some of my history and why my life is so damned and fucked up the way it is. I do know for myself the effects with how certain things have messed up my life.
By the way, "Mitzia," is originally named "Mitzie, and sometimes I have a hard time in deciding between just the two itself of which sounds better. Mitzie means "she has a mind of her own." I have some other names like "Cocheta- that which can't be fathomed," "Corazon-heart" and they are both actually native american indian names. I can't remember the origin of mitzie. I'd have to look it up again. I also like "Kylie," and "Serenity." Tough names to decide from.
I'm happy and unhappy for my baby. I can still make my own future goals, but it is hard to see what lies ahead in my future. Not that I believe in psychics or anything, but with what my history has been and my experience at life and knowing some predicatabilies, I'm not sure what to expect or plan. I still know I have a lot of things I am capable of doing.............
I don't know how to specifically ask about your life?
I'm not ignoring the jabs that you are making at me. I'm taking it more as you pulling me towards you for conversation. With one "god," comment you made, you seem like you take life easy and are lighthearted. You don't seem too sincere about any jokes of comment.
Still, I am being serious and sincere. I'm not taking back the comment I made yesterday about the 16 and pregnant thing. It isn't my fault that I'm poor. I don't know if you get or even question my math yet about being poor and vulnerable. I also don't know how you do the math with me being immature, or a "later 2 year maturation" of an 18 year old. How do you really do the math with immaturity?
I was actually talking to my therapist today about people with the god complex and their entitlement to be pigs. That was some of my biggest issues today and I also talked a lot about my job issues. Maybe you actually want to have some kind of conversation over it or want a piece of my vulnerability. Maybe you just want to make jabs at me or poke fun at me just for your own victimizing sake.
You are showing your confidence and a sense of harmlessness about the baby issue, and there is a possibility that I could be getting deceived by you, me, or the mixture of us. Edward didn't want the baby.......... and foxes, they are technically different than wolves but still, it's own species of dogs.
Besides one main hunch with you being compared to a severe chauvenist, there is another hunch that I have noticed and will remain vague about for now. While I know for myself what my own personal damages and scars are, I do know the gist of some of my history and why my life is so damned and fucked up the way it is. I do know for myself the effects with how certain things have messed up my life.
By the way, "Mitzia," is originally named "Mitzie, and sometimes I have a hard time in deciding between just the two itself of which sounds better. Mitzie means "she has a mind of her own." I have some other names like "Cocheta- that which can't be fathomed," "Corazon-heart" and they are both actually native american indian names. I can't remember the origin of mitzie. I'd have to look it up again. I also like "Kylie," and "Serenity." Tough names to decide from.
I'm happy and unhappy for my baby. I can still make my own future goals, but it is hard to see what lies ahead in my future. Not that I believe in psychics or anything, but with what my history has been and my experience at life and knowing some predicatabilies, I'm not sure what to expect or plan. I still know I have a lot of things I am capable of doing.............
I don't know how to specifically ask about your life?
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Dear Anderson
For now, I have decided that I'm going to be confused with you for a period of time.
Some days are different than others. While some would blame the bipolar diagnosis on me; I still have some awareness of what is going on in the world around me. I definitely am provoked and hated on some days more than others. I don't always know why or any causes with the extents of hate that I experience. You might as well listen to the weather man and ask him why some days are more windy than others or why there are natural disasters.
I will admit that in this early time of day I feel at ease. I feel I am being reminded of some past justices that have been met while not knowing the exact details. Some other talk is also being said and for me to pick and choose to see what some gossip is can be time consuming. I pick and choose at some info at my own leisure and time. I don't always know all gossip or what some of my biggest obstacles or oppositions could be..........
Hot in Cleveland. I took note that it is on your show for today. It is very possible that I could be strongly connected to that show. The show could also be a piece of capitalism where a large number of women have shares in the capitalism. I have not been watching the show. I do not know the specific drama of what is going on. I'm not even out to people please over anyone's approval in being called "hot" for whatever "friends I choose."
Characters? Besides Betty (which I could assume is a symbolic capitalism of every female competing against each other with her own bigotry through Betty's role)(she could also be representing herself) my guesses of the characters are: Maggie, Erin, Megan Shaffer, and myself.
My mind hasn't changed over anything. A clear rehash:
I see them all as controlling. It could go back to a letter a few weeks ago "whether it be pimps or catholic school teachers" I think they all have times of being too stuck on themselves to have any regard over other considerations. The fact is, my door is not open to them. I do not choose to personally befriend them and share my drama with them. I refuse to be subjected to their opinions, beliefs, or even standards.
Besides the past battles and tyranny, it seems as if it is they who are being held to blame over my oppression. Ok, I have mentioned their names myself.
I have already taken some scars by a few men who have seriously discriminated against me to be in favor for them.
Do I blame them for my oppression?
Only if they make the choice to not let go of me. If they continue on with their tyranny and ignore my obvious reactions and my rejection of them. If they continue to use whatever men they are with to either hurt me for their Bonnie and Clyde relationship and/or try to use their relationship to control me in whatever way. There is a slight possibility that they are not really responsible for the dictatorship of the system. But with what I presently believe, I think they probably would be responsible for trying to control my life and damn it in anyway.
With Maggie and Erin, they were the past high school relationship that was never that close to me in college. I feel they were still involved in my life in some ways, but I deny that I let them have any control over me.
As for Megan? There is a specific personal drama there. There was drama in the church and drama with her husband Shawn. I really would not be surprised if the controlling womanizer on your show last week was Shawn's foodstamp. Am I necessarily out to get Megan and Shawn? Yes and no. I may not completely know them, but I have an awareness of the control freaks they are. They could most likely beat a lot of other predators out if there were to be a holier than thou competition, but I still consider them to be predators in my life. Megan is difficult, because there is some level of agreement with her, but I think she would use the extent of agreement to her advantage to say that she owns me or has any kind of supremacy or domination. Shawn really has been chauvenistic in the past. If he is wondering what I think, I did love him at one time and let go of him, but I will not let go if he were to make any attempt to hurt or ruin me with his tyranny. I will not be subjected to him or Megan or anyone at all.
Only a real military analyst would know who holds the most responsibility for my oppression with the number of wealthy people who are involved in my life.
I am very aware at how sensitive of a subject the blame game is and how many men and even women would die (including the wealthy) to beat me to death over the blame game. The extent of chauvenism and a chauvenist's blame varies from person to person. I think of all of the violence in my life, that the cause for so many people hating on me is due to the relentless cause of the blame game. Yes, some people are drug addicts and messed up crackheads, but even a crackhead can be violently relentless with the blame game.
I could definitely sing in the choir with Megan in her capitalist indie connection of the band "Metric." But back to the beginning, the agreement in this case of music lyrics only goes to so much of an extent, as with any other compared agreement.
And once again, not all lyrics match and it is the gist of the song.
http://youtu.be/LqldwoDXHKg
http://youtu.be/FRtd8ArvH_s
http://youtu.be/FVbWcPyoQfM
This song does have me singing a little in the choir. But, the whole "black sheep" analogy as well as any "prodigal" analogy is not on my agenda. It is her freedom to have free speech and free expression and free religion. She does have some intelligent acknowledgement in this song and other songs in being accurate of emotions and feelings. Do I consider it as me letting her coddle me or crawling in tears as being the prodigal? No. I like the mechanical bull analogy because she does sense and see the oppression of a vulnerable victim. I also would add on for me or anyone, that a person does not have to be of any religion to be free of oppression. Everyone should be entitled to their rights of humanity.
Some days are different than others. While some would blame the bipolar diagnosis on me; I still have some awareness of what is going on in the world around me. I definitely am provoked and hated on some days more than others. I don't always know why or any causes with the extents of hate that I experience. You might as well listen to the weather man and ask him why some days are more windy than others or why there are natural disasters.
I will admit that in this early time of day I feel at ease. I feel I am being reminded of some past justices that have been met while not knowing the exact details. Some other talk is also being said and for me to pick and choose to see what some gossip is can be time consuming. I pick and choose at some info at my own leisure and time. I don't always know all gossip or what some of my biggest obstacles or oppositions could be..........
Hot in Cleveland. I took note that it is on your show for today. It is very possible that I could be strongly connected to that show. The show could also be a piece of capitalism where a large number of women have shares in the capitalism. I have not been watching the show. I do not know the specific drama of what is going on. I'm not even out to people please over anyone's approval in being called "hot" for whatever "friends I choose."
Characters? Besides Betty (which I could assume is a symbolic capitalism of every female competing against each other with her own bigotry through Betty's role)(she could also be representing herself) my guesses of the characters are: Maggie, Erin, Megan Shaffer, and myself.
My mind hasn't changed over anything. A clear rehash:
I see them all as controlling. It could go back to a letter a few weeks ago "whether it be pimps or catholic school teachers" I think they all have times of being too stuck on themselves to have any regard over other considerations. The fact is, my door is not open to them. I do not choose to personally befriend them and share my drama with them. I refuse to be subjected to their opinions, beliefs, or even standards.
Besides the past battles and tyranny, it seems as if it is they who are being held to blame over my oppression. Ok, I have mentioned their names myself.
I have already taken some scars by a few men who have seriously discriminated against me to be in favor for them.
Do I blame them for my oppression?
Only if they make the choice to not let go of me. If they continue on with their tyranny and ignore my obvious reactions and my rejection of them. If they continue to use whatever men they are with to either hurt me for their Bonnie and Clyde relationship and/or try to use their relationship to control me in whatever way. There is a slight possibility that they are not really responsible for the dictatorship of the system. But with what I presently believe, I think they probably would be responsible for trying to control my life and damn it in anyway.
With Maggie and Erin, they were the past high school relationship that was never that close to me in college. I feel they were still involved in my life in some ways, but I deny that I let them have any control over me.
As for Megan? There is a specific personal drama there. There was drama in the church and drama with her husband Shawn. I really would not be surprised if the controlling womanizer on your show last week was Shawn's foodstamp. Am I necessarily out to get Megan and Shawn? Yes and no. I may not completely know them, but I have an awareness of the control freaks they are. They could most likely beat a lot of other predators out if there were to be a holier than thou competition, but I still consider them to be predators in my life. Megan is difficult, because there is some level of agreement with her, but I think she would use the extent of agreement to her advantage to say that she owns me or has any kind of supremacy or domination. Shawn really has been chauvenistic in the past. If he is wondering what I think, I did love him at one time and let go of him, but I will not let go if he were to make any attempt to hurt or ruin me with his tyranny. I will not be subjected to him or Megan or anyone at all.
Only a real military analyst would know who holds the most responsibility for my oppression with the number of wealthy people who are involved in my life.
I am very aware at how sensitive of a subject the blame game is and how many men and even women would die (including the wealthy) to beat me to death over the blame game. The extent of chauvenism and a chauvenist's blame varies from person to person. I think of all of the violence in my life, that the cause for so many people hating on me is due to the relentless cause of the blame game. Yes, some people are drug addicts and messed up crackheads, but even a crackhead can be violently relentless with the blame game.
I could definitely sing in the choir with Megan in her capitalist indie connection of the band "Metric." But back to the beginning, the agreement in this case of music lyrics only goes to so much of an extent, as with any other compared agreement.
And once again, not all lyrics match and it is the gist of the song.
http://youtu.be/LqldwoDXHKg
http://youtu.be/FRtd8ArvH_s
http://youtu.be/FVbWcPyoQfM
This song does have me singing a little in the choir. But, the whole "black sheep" analogy as well as any "prodigal" analogy is not on my agenda. It is her freedom to have free speech and free expression and free religion. She does have some intelligent acknowledgement in this song and other songs in being accurate of emotions and feelings. Do I consider it as me letting her coddle me or crawling in tears as being the prodigal? No. I like the mechanical bull analogy because she does sense and see the oppression of a vulnerable victim. I also would add on for me or anyone, that a person does not have to be of any religion to be free of oppression. Everyone should be entitled to their rights of humanity.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Random Thoughts
One last flea market of the year tmw at my usual place. I don't know how long I will outlast the weather, but since it is cold and close to Christmas; I may have better odds at selling some stocking stuffers. I still have odds of making sales elsewhere, and sometimes, I never know how it is going to go. I actually went into a hiss a few weeks ago over that with someone who was harassing me (over I never know how some sales will go).
Today, I actually have a large to do list. I havn't decided everything that I am going to do. I do plan on watching SNL but it will most likely be until the next day. Unless I have a night of insomnia, I most likely won't watch it. I also naturally woke up super early today.
In my love life, whether or not I am being tested in anyway, I can't emotionally take it right now. I just can't. I do want to keep some kind of controlled distance, but sometimes, life can throw anything my way and life happens.
I keep wondering what the next year or two will be like. I wonder if there will be anything new coming my way; if I will ever get a break in anyway; or if I have to put up with the same old stuff. I can always give myself new stuff to do, but in trying to make connections with people, it takes 2. I'm not saying I'm being romantic, but it could lead to that insinuation. I mean it platonically as well, and usually with the odds of a person's approach, things usually become nothing but a mess. Not enough people with people skills anymore.
While my thoughts are in the negative but aren't meant in revolving around the negative or to fulfill an egocentric person in anyway, I have a feeling that I have another lame and desperate Spanish inquisition coming my way. I've actually lived through quite a few different ones, but I'm guessing that it is the one that people have been the most predatory and harassing with, which is animals. Of course they can be desperate, predatory, and harassing with other things, but I yawn over having to yawn so much.
I wonder what Christmas is going to be like this year. I havn't made any decisions yet of what I'm going to do with myself or where I will go. I also havn't decided if I am going to be at least charitable with someone while feeling like I'm my own charity case. Who is it that I am going to be giving to? While I could be called a Scrooge, I still want to be a little giving anyway. Some random things to think about. Not enough money for everyone, but a simple card to give some few people could do.
I don't know what I'm going to do next with Anderson. If I was meant to seriously read in between someone's lines; I'm seriously offended that he would have me offended like that. He gave some kind of positive sign after the show, but I can't tell what he is up to. Is he intentionally psychotically ignoring me and not taking anything I say seriously, or what some of his mind games are? I don't get him or his mind games and if he could be intentionally lying to me just so he can keep playing his mind games. It took some time to figure out the Today Show a little and their mind games before giving up on them; I'm unsure if it is the same with Anderson or how long it will be before I decide to give up.
Today, I actually have a large to do list. I havn't decided everything that I am going to do. I do plan on watching SNL but it will most likely be until the next day. Unless I have a night of insomnia, I most likely won't watch it. I also naturally woke up super early today.
In my love life, whether or not I am being tested in anyway, I can't emotionally take it right now. I just can't. I do want to keep some kind of controlled distance, but sometimes, life can throw anything my way and life happens.
I keep wondering what the next year or two will be like. I wonder if there will be anything new coming my way; if I will ever get a break in anyway; or if I have to put up with the same old stuff. I can always give myself new stuff to do, but in trying to make connections with people, it takes 2. I'm not saying I'm being romantic, but it could lead to that insinuation. I mean it platonically as well, and usually with the odds of a person's approach, things usually become nothing but a mess. Not enough people with people skills anymore.
While my thoughts are in the negative but aren't meant in revolving around the negative or to fulfill an egocentric person in anyway, I have a feeling that I have another lame and desperate Spanish inquisition coming my way. I've actually lived through quite a few different ones, but I'm guessing that it is the one that people have been the most predatory and harassing with, which is animals. Of course they can be desperate, predatory, and harassing with other things, but I yawn over having to yawn so much.
I wonder what Christmas is going to be like this year. I havn't made any decisions yet of what I'm going to do with myself or where I will go. I also havn't decided if I am going to be at least charitable with someone while feeling like I'm my own charity case. Who is it that I am going to be giving to? While I could be called a Scrooge, I still want to be a little giving anyway. Some random things to think about. Not enough money for everyone, but a simple card to give some few people could do.
I don't know what I'm going to do next with Anderson. If I was meant to seriously read in between someone's lines; I'm seriously offended that he would have me offended like that. He gave some kind of positive sign after the show, but I can't tell what he is up to. Is he intentionally psychotically ignoring me and not taking anything I say seriously, or what some of his mind games are? I don't get him or his mind games and if he could be intentionally lying to me just so he can keep playing his mind games. It took some time to figure out the Today Show a little and their mind games before giving up on them; I'm unsure if it is the same with Anderson or how long it will be before I decide to give up.
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