Jon
I'm following you, but not sure how to perceive you. I really did make a Dakota claim years ago when the movie: "Man on Fire," came out. Jon, I'm not sure how you do your math in the head with a lot of things to sum me up, but I can make some assumptions from there........ Jon, Although we have never literally hooked up, I would assume you would be wanting angry or rough/violent sex for having your own way of saying you think I am immature. Jon, Maybe you are so serious about not just thinking that I am immature but that you have dictated my mind into thinking the same thing about myself, that you want to give me an "ego boost," by saying I am finally of age for you. How could I ever live without your pat on my back? Maybe something else is going through your head where you've been mad at how I've been handling your stockholm through all this time and you want to "knight me into womanhood," because of my said submissions to your demands. To you, it is normal and the officially mature thing for a woman to especially be sexually submissive to stockholms. Think what you want to think, I am just being for now to be. Jon, I don't think I've even denied how much you've already turned me on in the stockholms. I think you've known it for yourself but you just don't want to say it. Maybe you've taken some of my silences in different ways. You may have taken my anger in undermining ways as well. With some things you have said; I have sincerely meant it when I did everything to lock you outside of my life. Some of your anger and hateful attacks havn't been seductive at all. You know you have intentionally wanted to turn me off. You really have done a lot of unforgiveable things. Jon, If I could assume more, you may hate my snobbery and want me to be more talkative. Yes and no.
I also took note of "Breanna." I don't know if you connect me to her or not, or if you are expecting me to say something to her. She may have a large amount of responsibility to how I've been damned and you want me to make a large plan and time investment to get revenge. Besides not knowing all of the actual facts of responsibility and what the specifics are that some people have done, you have already belittled her as well by undermining her for her job title. Maybe you are already being the white knight to bruise her ego?
Jon, I still don't like the idea of your Prince expecting me to know everything about everyone and what the mess is in my life. I feel like you are expecting me to be a female 007 know-it-all and it feels like such a chore to make my living out of taking care of my enemies. I know I said I never lost confidence in my intelligence or judgement and still mean it, but I think it is an extreme route to go to make my world revolve around my enemies and live only for revenge and capitalist's sake. I still don't even understand the entirety of politics in capitalism.
I don't know. From this distance, all I can do is brain storm with some hints. Jon, If you want me to play young and naive, I will do as best as I can. I already said I don't have the hooker heart that can act through anything and that includes the polar opposite of a hooker heart: naivety. But Jon, I will act as best as I can. You may just have some appreciation of my sexuality and sincerely want me to be your sex slave Brittany again. Ok, it is no longer expired and back on the market with you. I just don't know how I'm always going to be able to pull it off when you test me the way you test me sometimes. I'll probably do yoga tmw. The Niner's restaurant wasn't opened when I went there, by the way. So, I did find out about the available hours and will just go back another day when they are opened. Uncle Jack's was pretty good though. Not sure if you are in relation to that one. I feel tired and think I'm going to take a nap now.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Random Thoughts
The baby shower went well yesterday. Very well. It was more grandiose than I had expected. I was never expecting a whole lot to begin with but I definitely feel ~showered~ with plenty. CHEESE! As for the awkwardness, it was and wasn't that bad. There was enough considerateness where nobody brought any of their drama or made any major provokings. It was friendly for the most part. Besides the family, most people were connected through my mom and it feels normal from them to be supportive of me. I won't complain about recieving so much stuff. The awkwardness was mostly on me in this instance, where I felt a little bad knowing I'm really not that close to a number of people. I had to yell a little at my mom for making that fact a little obvious. My snobbishness had had its day; but like any other person, I'm probably going to be a little nicer than usual. It isn't life changing to change out of being a snob, but I am at better terms for people who are being supportive.
There was another instance where when talking to Jon the other day, I really was talking about a different Liz. The other Liz, could have been responsible for the other matrix Liz that I had had to put up with, or there is no relation whatsoever. All I can say is that I had continued to take the teacher Liz as representing herself not even thinking of the other Liz. I think there was a different time where I was frustrated at the other Liz's aggression, but it wasn't like there was any severity of life that I was aware of. But, since I wasn't specific, it made it another awkward moment that I just worked around anyway.......
I'm still happy to get my taxes back. I can't wait to take a shopping trip. To have something good to say about my grandmother, in her card, she did have some emphasizing words. It was mostly around the lines of: If people knew me, they would know that I would make a good mom. I don't know if I am going to have any Kim Jong Il harassment in the future, but those thoughtful words were enough for me to bury the hatchet. I already feel like I'm off to a new start with some people and although it can't change anything that has happened in the past; things in the present and future could be different. I'm not like that with everyone. It is whatever person it is in my own time. Some can keep calling me a robot; I'm just going to go about every day as I always have.
I made another ebay sale! woohoo! Still not much of an income but a small yay for now.
In bad thoughts..............VH1..... I just had to watch it this morning. You never know with some people. Sometimes they will have some kind of immediate response; sometimes they will demand my attention in their own time. (I had watched the movie Selena yesterday). It didn't seem that Jim had anything serious to say. Maybe with the whole Chicago theme, he wants to throw himself in the victimization game as well and symbolize himself as "Cesar." Or maybe he is picking on someone else. I think with his typical piggishness: when he was taking himself out to all of the places and engorging himself with all of those fancy dinners, I think he probably was playing a Cesar role. Waaaaaaa Jim, you insult me in a number of ways and violently reject me and do a lot of other terrible and even death threatening things and now all of a sudden my words mean so much to you and you are a whiny baby Cesar who has too many knives in his back. Oh, how could I have ever gotten so upset or be mean to you? How dare I ever be mad? (There is a Jim out there somewhere in the matrix where I am really directing this too). I think he wanted to torment me with more music videos and especially the Madonna one. That is so offensive with the whole baby doll thing. WTF Madonna? What the Fuck is your problem? What the hell? That was so offensive.
I think SNL recalled the day where I was jamming to one of her songs the day before I was pregnant and she got offended because I was humping my boombox? I'm really not going to know how to listen to that song anymore. I'm just not going to know how to listen. I'm driven by my own emotions and influence, and it was a song that is a piece of the memory of the night the baby making happened. I could elaborate at this part, but I'm not going to explain my story in this instance. I don't want to trash a piece of the memory, but I also don't want to be supportive or a fan or not trash Madonna after her latest football song. I just don't know how I'm going to listen to that song anymore.
(I just watched last week's SNL, I will eventually watch this week's.)
I don't have any other thoughts for now. That's about it.
There was another instance where when talking to Jon the other day, I really was talking about a different Liz. The other Liz, could have been responsible for the other matrix Liz that I had had to put up with, or there is no relation whatsoever. All I can say is that I had continued to take the teacher Liz as representing herself not even thinking of the other Liz. I think there was a different time where I was frustrated at the other Liz's aggression, but it wasn't like there was any severity of life that I was aware of. But, since I wasn't specific, it made it another awkward moment that I just worked around anyway.......
I'm still happy to get my taxes back. I can't wait to take a shopping trip. To have something good to say about my grandmother, in her card, she did have some emphasizing words. It was mostly around the lines of: If people knew me, they would know that I would make a good mom. I don't know if I am going to have any Kim Jong Il harassment in the future, but those thoughtful words were enough for me to bury the hatchet. I already feel like I'm off to a new start with some people and although it can't change anything that has happened in the past; things in the present and future could be different. I'm not like that with everyone. It is whatever person it is in my own time. Some can keep calling me a robot; I'm just going to go about every day as I always have.
I made another ebay sale! woohoo! Still not much of an income but a small yay for now.
In bad thoughts..............VH1..... I just had to watch it this morning. You never know with some people. Sometimes they will have some kind of immediate response; sometimes they will demand my attention in their own time. (I had watched the movie Selena yesterday). It didn't seem that Jim had anything serious to say. Maybe with the whole Chicago theme, he wants to throw himself in the victimization game as well and symbolize himself as "Cesar." Or maybe he is picking on someone else. I think with his typical piggishness: when he was taking himself out to all of the places and engorging himself with all of those fancy dinners, I think he probably was playing a Cesar role. Waaaaaaa Jim, you insult me in a number of ways and violently reject me and do a lot of other terrible and even death threatening things and now all of a sudden my words mean so much to you and you are a whiny baby Cesar who has too many knives in his back. Oh, how could I have ever gotten so upset or be mean to you? How dare I ever be mad? (There is a Jim out there somewhere in the matrix where I am really directing this too). I think he wanted to torment me with more music videos and especially the Madonna one. That is so offensive with the whole baby doll thing. WTF Madonna? What the Fuck is your problem? What the hell? That was so offensive.
I think SNL recalled the day where I was jamming to one of her songs the day before I was pregnant and she got offended because I was humping my boombox? I'm really not going to know how to listen to that song anymore. I'm just not going to know how to listen. I'm driven by my own emotions and influence, and it was a song that is a piece of the memory of the night the baby making happened. I could elaborate at this part, but I'm not going to explain my story in this instance. I don't want to trash a piece of the memory, but I also don't want to be supportive or a fan or not trash Madonna after her latest football song. I just don't know how I'm going to listen to that song anymore.
(I just watched last week's SNL, I will eventually watch this week's.)
I don't have any other thoughts for now. That's about it.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Anderson
I really don't know who to direct this to. I feel raped right now and I can't see who is telling me to "suck it." It could be Jon, but I'm not sure if it is Jon.
I'll start with Howie: he is being communicative on his end. My guesses were obviously wrong, but if I am supposed to have an "Adam," I'm obviously not understanding this connection. I don't know who I am supposed to pay attention to; I don't know how to be responsive to any threats. My life is in danger and I don't know what to do about it. It has become abstract again.
Next is Stacy. How dare I deny her beauty. God, I would love to see her flash her legs in front of my face again. What a privelage to not miss.
Anderson, with so many agendas, it is hard to figure out what people are expecting. Maybe Stacy wants to try to prove she can handle the truth, or maybe she is just being relentless with herself. Either way, I feel I can never win. I feel a lot of my life suffers because I am not only being forced to suck it but also forced to say what I think about sucking it. Some people can't handle it, and even you could hand me a sciprt any time now. If it is Denny who is telling me to suck it, I can't believe you would let Denny get away with his rape. I am definitely calling Denny a rapist for entitling himself for me to answer to his judgement and thinking I should take a "lesson," from him and neverendingly be lectured. Anderson, I've already said mercy and the worst rapes keep getting shoved in my face to suck it. And if forced, I will suck it for the sake of saving my life and my baby. It definitely is nauseating to be raped like this but I do it for the sake of myself and my baby. It is just another example where I know I'm going to take another hit for being honest and saying whose sake it is really for, but I just do not know how to breathe. Even after saying this, I still continue to get tested with rape in the worst of ways. Besides the rape being denied, it is further denied of who can't handle the truth.
My sister may possibly be throwing herself in the fight with Stacy right now that I am in a denial that I am their lusting lesbian that just has to have them.
Anderson, I have a hard enough time dealing with life already, I can't believe you would shove more arrogant rape in my face like this. Ok Katie, how could I deny your hotness either? God Katie, I just wish you would throw yourself in front of me more often. I could stare at you all day in playboy magazines or just yourself. How could I ever deny you?
Have I done a good enough job of sucking it Anderson with whoever's sick dick I am being forced to suck right now? Have I sucked it enough? What ever can I do to give an orgasm or pleasure or help someone get it up? Whatever can I do Anderson?
I just don't know how to not breathe.
I'll start with Howie: he is being communicative on his end. My guesses were obviously wrong, but if I am supposed to have an "Adam," I'm obviously not understanding this connection. I don't know who I am supposed to pay attention to; I don't know how to be responsive to any threats. My life is in danger and I don't know what to do about it. It has become abstract again.
Next is Stacy. How dare I deny her beauty. God, I would love to see her flash her legs in front of my face again. What a privelage to not miss.
Anderson, with so many agendas, it is hard to figure out what people are expecting. Maybe Stacy wants to try to prove she can handle the truth, or maybe she is just being relentless with herself. Either way, I feel I can never win. I feel a lot of my life suffers because I am not only being forced to suck it but also forced to say what I think about sucking it. Some people can't handle it, and even you could hand me a sciprt any time now. If it is Denny who is telling me to suck it, I can't believe you would let Denny get away with his rape. I am definitely calling Denny a rapist for entitling himself for me to answer to his judgement and thinking I should take a "lesson," from him and neverendingly be lectured. Anderson, I've already said mercy and the worst rapes keep getting shoved in my face to suck it. And if forced, I will suck it for the sake of saving my life and my baby. It definitely is nauseating to be raped like this but I do it for the sake of myself and my baby. It is just another example where I know I'm going to take another hit for being honest and saying whose sake it is really for, but I just do not know how to breathe. Even after saying this, I still continue to get tested with rape in the worst of ways. Besides the rape being denied, it is further denied of who can't handle the truth.
My sister may possibly be throwing herself in the fight with Stacy right now that I am in a denial that I am their lusting lesbian that just has to have them.
Anderson, I have a hard enough time dealing with life already, I can't believe you would shove more arrogant rape in my face like this. Ok Katie, how could I deny your hotness either? God Katie, I just wish you would throw yourself in front of me more often. I could stare at you all day in playboy magazines or just yourself. How could I ever deny you?
Have I done a good enough job of sucking it Anderson with whoever's sick dick I am being forced to suck right now? Have I sucked it enough? What ever can I do to give an orgasm or pleasure or help someone get it up? Whatever can I do Anderson?
I just don't know how to not breathe.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Appreciation
Anderson, you definitely deserved to be dubbed Superman on an occassion. It would seem that Brawny man doesn't compare as much to Superman, but in the heart of the matter, the symbol is a worthy symbol.
Anyway, you can win today. You lift me up and let me down and play good cop and bad cop. There are things that you have won with me, but you don't have me completely. I know it almost sounds marriage like, but some people will either assume too much or not know how to assume at all when it comes to being sold on someone.
Anyway, I appreciate that I can appreciate my vanity with you today over "The bail bond girl." The key words are appreciating vanity. As nice as the title is, it can only go so far. There are probabilities that there will be more cattiness and violence in my life. Sometimes, there isn't always physical violence. None-the-less life can take a physical toll during times you are up against how many ever a number of people and how heavy and damning that they can be. Some people are so set in proving something or just out to settle their agenda. It isn't really Katie, or other Heigl connections that I am afraid of. I just can't take any more damnation. You can appreciate my vanity with me, but there are times when my down to earth life is out of my control and there isn't anything that I can do about anything. It is just how life is and how it has been. It was some nice minutes to share on your show though. Much appreciated.
Thank you Anderson!
Anyway, you can win today. You lift me up and let me down and play good cop and bad cop. There are things that you have won with me, but you don't have me completely. I know it almost sounds marriage like, but some people will either assume too much or not know how to assume at all when it comes to being sold on someone.
Anyway, I appreciate that I can appreciate my vanity with you today over "The bail bond girl." The key words are appreciating vanity. As nice as the title is, it can only go so far. There are probabilities that there will be more cattiness and violence in my life. Sometimes, there isn't always physical violence. None-the-less life can take a physical toll during times you are up against how many ever a number of people and how heavy and damning that they can be. Some people are so set in proving something or just out to settle their agenda. It isn't really Katie, or other Heigl connections that I am afraid of. I just can't take any more damnation. You can appreciate my vanity with me, but there are times when my down to earth life is out of my control and there isn't anything that I can do about anything. It is just how life is and how it has been. It was some nice minutes to share on your show though. Much appreciated.
Thank you Anderson!
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