Thoughts: A couple of bounces

I really could say I get squashed every day. Some squashings are worse than others. Some are added shunts that block what I would normally do. Almost a damnation because it's as though my life revolves around a person and they get the credit if I don't rebel. I don't like to be called fat, but I don't like the only option is to gain weight on purpose. I have used cheesecake as a weapon before, but I don't seriously want to put on a whole lot more weight. .. It is a matter of sensitivity. I was in my own compromising position and it is typical for people to take their own offense and smack back. Despite a blackmailing controversy of hating being called "transgender," even though it is my right to be the person God made me, it will still be an offense to others TO REFUSE THEIR CHOICE OF LIFE. What are people really supposed to do when they don't like being called a tran? Be the shunted rebel because you hate to give a person the satisfaction to their VIOLENT CRACK OF THE WHIP. There are many times I ignore the shameless trashy remark. It's always been an OFFENSIVE VIOLENT AND SEXUALLY ASSAULTING remark to me. Why can't a man be man enough to be JUST the angry bitch they are. WHY CAN'T HE JUST SAY "YOU ARE TOO BOSSY," OR "YOU ARE TOO FUCKING CONTROLLING SARAH." HAVE YOU EVER UNDERSTOOD THAT THERE ARE DISAGREEABLE OR BOSSY WOMEN? IS IT THAT HARD FOR YOU TO ACCEPT RON BURGUNDY? (I'm really not calling myself someone specific's Veronica right now. I'm focused in a blinding land with some other unsaid obvious but I'm a little upset and lost right now.) I would rather hear a literal swear word than the unsaid swearword of a "Tran." LIKE IT WAS NEVER USED AS A SWEAR WORD, YES IT IS.... For the sake of my own expression and feelings and not wanting to live a lie or an have an entirely different identity because I know I have my personal issues sometimes. ... So, I tell some white lies every now and then. It's not like I'm always wanting to pick a fight or harass a person because they are rich and I am poor. I use mostly silence when I know I'm disagreeable. It all depends on how everything is said and if there is some kind of restraint and the way the restraint is used. ... I'm not protected in restraint. I wonder if one of my stalkers actually measures the amount of dignity I don't have sometimes. It's not another thing I would like to be stalked over but when I feel I'm being stalked with the worst accountability, I just do. How much dignity would I lose if I kept blogging or have anything to do with twitter? Does it have to count? I don't know. I can only take so much psychological abuse. ........... I was going to talk about other random thoughts and things that go on in every day life but I think I'll do that some other time because I don't like being my own annoyance with what I include in my blogs. ...