Heartbreak: The inevitability of an older man

It isn't the first time I was a sucker for a comparatively older man. They always seem to play their cards a better way and have a greater sensitivity to them. Because they can do something right, you just don't want to admit the things that come with their age. It matters to me to have at least 1 more kid and possibly 2. He didn't want anymore at his age. I can agree with him that he isn't the ideal age, but I just didn't want to. I had a little bit of a feeling of second guessing myself in what comes first between a companion that I could care for, or my own reproduction and I forced myself to make my choice for reproduction. We havn't dated the longest but it became such a choice. While he has some protectiveness about him, I know I saw him being a superman in Narnia. There were things I felt I saw in him that I don't always see in other men. I let him know that. While I am still crying, I feel like I have a better break up for once but it was such a choice. I didn't like whatever one particular scare was with Stacy but he never had any ownership of it in that article. We both looked like this one lady who was with a man who looked like him, but it wasn't something that any person should have remained deaf to. He was a kind teddy bear towards me. ……… In the next thought that takes a different dreadful turn was another isolation/Stockholm with Stacy/Jade/Gia. Jade hasn't been as much as a Butch as Stacy but Jade has had some Butch moments and guilty by association with Stacy. While we all seemed to have some recognition in this isolation at the same time, Stacy and Jade and some other random woman I don't know were called "boys" for once and I was relieved that a severe aggression was noticed and that they should be seen like they have something wrong with them for being so aggressive, and wanting me to break for their sake. I had some relief but remained angry at whatever testing isolation and that I was being tested and faced with them. I kept my angry and threatening face. I get tested with Uber sometimes too and while I don't always show an angry face, I just act like whatever Narnia is there isn't. I hate someone's regulating sense of control. What fairness is there to be tested when I'm being restrained with another Narnia? I'm mad to feel forced to be harassed and put up with whatever Butch attitude and game they want to have going on. Gia, she was someone else I used to work with. If she is guilty by association with Stacy, it makes her an instant enemy. She is someone I have somewhat befriended before and someone I could have been somewhat of a friend with. I think she does have too much of a bad lifestyle though and I just wouldn't feel comfortable in being any closer. Gia, I really do think you are attractive, but I wouldn't want to be in a lesbian relationship with you whether or not you were making any pass towards me a long while ago. I question if you want me, but you may not want the full relationship like that. I honestly don't want us to happen in any kind of way especially if you want to threaten me in anyway for Stacy. Maybe it was Stacy who wanted to use you to keep my truth robbed, but either way, I'm still into men. While this last one didn't end sour, despite all the things they do, I still want and need a man.