As the Sarah Turns: My talk keeps going and going

I would say I am mostly a quiet person, but not sure how much I would ruin something if I did end a quiet game I have had going on... Another boat I have yet to specifically talk about and still won't say his name although I know he is recognized and made into a guessing game. Although he was included with "Wham," I must show him some sensitivity and a little TLC anyway despite the fact I could be his 100% underdog. It definitely wouldn't be a fair truth if being only an underdog was what he was going to make of me. He is an impossible one and some particular details matter some that I can't talk about. If he wasn't such a boat, I wouldn't have to talk about him. If I had one main punch line it would be "you burn." He must have some burn for me to want to make me burn. He has a loud smile. He could have the most innocent smile of "I'm into you," written all over him, but something tells me that he does not have the most innocent smile with me. If I were to guess the worst: he is the bondage victim of a man who he has most focus on. Nothing is too much for sure but he knows how to have such a silent game to go on with me. I really wouldn't intend to pick him because he has another purpose that is of some matter but I have to keep an open mind with: you can meet anyone anywhere. I know he and I are seen by some distant people that I'm blind sided with. I think it is still for him to be the one to make the most obvious move as simply to call me or ask to go out sometime. I made more effort today to make him dare a little more. If he doesn't dare, I guess he has to burn and eventually get over me or just keep making exchanged greetings when necessary. It is not that I have a stubborn dogma where he has to be the one to make the move. I have too much going on in my soap opera which keeps getting interrupted/ intercepted by one guy or another. ……… I can only be a ho right now. I'd like to say I'm the most comfortable at being a ho right now, but I have some comfort. Although I never wanted some number of guys to be a boat, or to have too much of an involvement there is a boat or two I'm not completely over and that I feel like shit for in some ways or another. I've always argued and still argue against the feeling of being guilty, but my feeling of guilt is such an unfair and self hated truth. It just isn't fair. I still have my birthday booty call in the game unless he does decide to stop keeping in touch with me altogether. Him and I are not official, but I still have some interest in him while remaining in the "ho," category.