No Other Communication Route

And this is what you get for the way I'm always left alone. alone. Mike is still "not here," with me, but I can still leave you any time I want. I'm still upset at the shady acts and signs and have a brow beating skepticism with the way I feel under dogged. There are still some other negative things going on where I'm not comfortable.... Despite some things, Mike makes me feel such a serious strong heavy petting and smothering lustful romance. Not entirely romantic, but I feel him coming onto me in the head in such a strong and serious way. I question how serious he is with me. I feel in a little bit of shock. I wish I could stay quiet but I just can't. I'm not completely sold that he wants to take it up a level and be more serious, but it seems like that in some ways... Same Bollywood BS type of relationship. I still question some truths about his marriage; where he came from with me and however he noticed me; how much of a gangbanger and betrayer is he? ....... Despite whatever amount of lust; my emotional and mental health matters too. I had a real anxiety attack about being kept and the way it never ends with the same lonely Stockholm stories. It just never ends. It hurts me more to be kept by some men than it does to be let go of and on my own. I know I like to feel and be wanted. I just can't stay in relationships in certain ways. I know I still want you Mike in a lot of ways and I like the thought of being an official item with you, but when I feel like I'm in a dead end relationship where it most likely won't go any further and I already have terrible doubts, it hurts to be kept. I can't question your lustful sincerity too much, but I question your sincerity and genuine will to want and care about me in other ways. I don't want you to feel obligated to me or like you have to stay with me. A guy has to have a truly sincere affection for me or it won't be healthy for me at all. You feel affectionate in some ways, but do you sincerely want, like, or care for me? Do you really have sincere and non-obligated feelings for me? If you have betrayed me too much in ways I just can't see or get and have already dug too deep of a grave; I want you to leave me alone with that too. In other thoughts: still horny, feisty, and resistant