As the Sarah Turns: I feel like a new woman

I'll start with Emma. While she is the dominate and unfair one in some way, and being escorted by Prince Harry, I will choose to unsafely talk about her anyway. Sorry Emma, but if you intend to keep me in a ball gag, you can't. I just can't say "no," to Emma. I feel like she could make a lesbian out of me, but I'd call myself bisexual anyway. I feel so overtaken by her. (talking to and of Emma). I feel like I could be a challenge to Emma: How much of a lesbian can she make of me? I've never been in a lesbian relationship before. This is something completely new. What else is new: having this sexual relationship with her is not my defeat. I'm not doing it to be the man's loser. It isn't gross either. I have mostly seen being a lesbian in a negative light on my end. I'm still very particular with women. If Emma weren't around; I'd still be the most available with the most effort for men. I'm curious more for her. I want to know her more. I feel so sexually defenseless because I can't say no, but getting to know her isn't for me to be out to get her either. I can't promise faithfulness. I can't promise it. I'm still very pussy whipped for her in ways I've never been or never wanted to be before with any woman. ........................... in the y man world... Jack is presently on top and I have a hard time in knowing to know what to believe with him. I feel he does want me and has his own possessiveness, but I question how much he loves me or seriously wants me. In some ways I feel I've been to rude for him without meaning to be. He could have someone he wants more and I've thrown myself on him several times anyway. Maybe Jack has his times of wanting me and not wanting me and wanting me more at times. I think he does want to keep me but when my clock ticks the way it does and the pressures, heats, and intensities are on some times are more difficult to be respectful of each others love and when we're both not completely each others and each others center of attention, it's harder to say whatever he could want to say or me to get, know, or understand the half of it or what I should say. I can't help that my heart emotionally breaks and wants to wonder a little more with the men who were being aggressive. It just wasn't done the right way and I can't compromise myself like that. I've never stopped caring for Jack and he is the easiest to compromise for. I think he does have some heartbreak cards rolled up his sleeve, but I don't know everything there is to know yet about Jack. My matrix/ other world, girlfriend and boyfriend. I wouldn't be surprised if you guys hooked up at some time, but I'm not thinking in too many terms of fear right now. But, am I playing another impossible game where you guys will never be physically here in my real everyday life?