I want to want you, but.

David, I'm going to have to go with my gut and just go with it and the way you get in my head..... I know I want to want you. The message seemed to be: amongst Jon Stewart's arbitrage, you were in there somewhere and somewhere along the way you noticed me and got a thing for me through Jon. I' m sure you won't argue much over the snowflake matter, but you also have to understand the guilty by association you are. I was only associated so long until I made the choice to keep him out of my life over the last several years. I don't know how much you would know of the terror I have been in over Jon's totalitarianism. I usually believe in a more fair and open game. Because of what you already have written all over you; I have no other choice but to be very unfair about it all. I'm sure Jon has gotten away with his piggishness very often with very many. He has no comprehension to just how much of a totalitarian pig he has always been. I know I'd be better off talking to a brick wall. There is no breaking through to Jon with the way I think or feel........ David, I know I don't know your details and what the somewhere along the way specifics are of yours. It is a totalitarian/ quarantine I feel I have suffered from. I love to see fresh or random faces who have nothing to do with my history or Jon's arbitrage or cliques. I'm sorry for how much of a negative bias I have to use against you. In any normal relationship, it is always expected for the man to put the woman he is in the relationship with 1st. That was never my story with Jon. He was such a sick vain juggernaut pig to have kept wanting and pursuing me knowing he had never and was never going to put me first and make me a slave to someone else. Why he was ever that extreme and never-ending of a nightmare with other fellow gang rapists (which I have no other choice to question you) I will never know. I'm sorry that I have to assume you are just another fellow conquestial terrorist and rapist. I will never settle for a man who will never put me first. That was so sick of Jon to be a pig like that and the men involved with him to be ignoring and piggish with him. The majority of men who have had a history with me and who have already known that SHOULD HAVE never had any business to keep wanting me knowing they were never going to put me first. They really should have known better than to keep threatening me like that or staying restless to put their conquestial marks on me. They should have never stayed constant unmasked or in a guise thinking they would ever trick me into being the conquest they want me to be. I want to want you but I can't be your fool. Although a little foolish; I would want to be more of a fool, but I can't. You at least won't be deceptive with where you are coming from, but if you want me and want me to want you, you are really going to have to go the distance to prove TO ME that you put me first.