Random thoughts

Wishing I had someone to talk to............................
Because of how things have gone, I have a very pessimistic mindset about the job hunt. This week, there is only a job or 2 in the paper that I could apply to. I do plan on saving enough money to eventually get out of town, but until then, it is doing whatever.
I have a big week this coming up week. My talk about the baby's father won't be a lot. He does want to be in her life and have some partial custody. Thoughts I keep to myself. I feel very alone right now. I will be alright. The loneliness and isolation isn't new, but the situation with the isolation is a much different story.
It made me think about Paris Hilton. I know I am no celebrity and our personalities don't have much comparison. I just remember one of the last shows she had was a contest for a best friend. The intention could have been for entertainment, but being the person she is, the best friend winner should get some experience in entertainment and the celebrity world in order to be the winner she is.
With just me personally, it feels there are so many impossibilities in finding a friend anymore. Sometimes, it takes similar backgrounds or similar family status in which being a single mother clashes with partnered mothers. Whatever rumors go around with me and threesomes is something I have remained anorexic to. Besides being bothered by those rumors are also assumptions and sometimes predictable ways that people have their own structured judgement. Sometimes it seems that some people turn their gadar up 10x where people are so hypersensitive and hawkish in their assumptions. The insults and awkwardness ruin it from there. I guess some people get over things, but I do have serious issues with the assumptions and judgements other people make. Besides the point of that is the constant clashing sex life. A good sex life seems impossible as well. It is no doubt at this point that I have a number of sexual predators on my back. Not going into the blame game over it either in this blog. I hate so many sexual correlations and sexual obsessions some people have. It has been so long since life has felt normal. The term: "platonic," should not be such an odd term as it seems with most people.
I just can't stand being around some people too long knowing what their gossip is. Sometimes just gossip happens and it is left at that, and other times gossip creates a whole new meaning where: something has happened and it isn't anything anyone can take back or change. Some talk seems more absolute or indefinite where what's done is done.
In another route: what's done is done is a phrase that runs through my mind in so many instances where it isn't funny. It is actually terrifying in most cases. It is heart shattering in others. Sometimes it isn't as big of a deal. Other times, some things happen so quickly, I can only just quietly stare for a period of time. Sometimes I'll speak my mind, other times, I just choose quietness. What's done is done is not something I like going through my mind and it is very bad news anytime the phrase does run through my mind.........