Dear Jon

I'm a little perplexed at just how much nicer you were last night. It could be another B.S. arbitrage, but besides some hunches, I would think you really are wanting to make conversation. I may not know the motive of you being nice, but you came across as being nice last night....
I have picked up on some other random things. You brought up one name, Oscar, from "death at a funeral." I did have an assumption on who I thought Oscar was. I really don't know how he has been doing these days or what is going on with him. I assume you could be assuming... With the movie as a whole, maybe the movie was just one big joke, but I still don't understand where it came from or how much truth there is to some things......
Thoughts of religion and terror. I have felt terrorized for a long time for a lot of reasons. It really makes no sense to be vulnerable or disclosing to you because you have had your own occasions of being terrorizing. I don't know if it really is all religion, but I definitely believe there are several motives out there for whatever the reasons are of why people do what they do. I have actually wanted to talk a little about religion with you despite "warnings" of ~the taliban~. You were the one to bring up Christianity the other day when you showed a disturbing pic of a pregnant woman with a censor of the manger covering her up. I don't know where that lash came from, and although I call myself agnostic, I did find it offensive. Christianity is part of my upbringing and while being an agnostic, I do believe in the Christian God. I don't think I would be going to church for a long time or I don't know if even ever. But, there may be a day where I would want to be a better Christian on my own without going to church. I really havn't wanted to talk about religion for a long time and it is a spontaneous and rare thing whenever I do. Besides my own personal faith, like the rest of the people in the world, I obviously have a serious problem when it comes to judgement. How people judge, the intellect of the judgement, the fairness of the judgement, the motives, the politics and literally defining the type of governing power off of judgement.
Right now, I could spend some time whining and I probably will. I wouldn't mind having some cheese with that as well. I'm just sick of people's entitlements. I'm sick of people being overassumptive and constantly on my back or looking over my shoulder. I'm tired of the desperation. I'm tired of the obsessing. I'm tired of how controlled and pointlessly controlled my life is.
With some things people have already said in the past when using their irrelevant judgement against me, I can already make my own assumptions of what people could be saying now. In my world, a lot of my aim is getting a job. I still think it is extreme for me to force myself to be a stripper. I have said if I can't find a job that I might consider. I really think some people are just ridiculous and still irrelevant with "pick your poison." It is not that I necessarily aim to be self-righteous or a do-gooder. I think if there was anything that I would want accurately to come across right now is: I have skills of sorts and know it, and I'm alright and know it. I may not come in first place in a contest, but the gist is I know I'm an adequate person. Because I have pride, I don't like to nag too much about: so what is the hold up? I hate it when commies give themselves that food of power that they have the power to waste my time.
I think that is all for now. I wish I had other things to talk about. I probably do have lots of things to talk about but right now, I guess I'm just set on my most prioritized ones.
As for you and me. I definitely feel tested and you are making me nervous. I still consider myself in a really emotional state right now and you make me nervous when I notice your random movements of being sly and smooth. I don't know what you're up to if you're up to something. All I'm going to say is you're making me nervous.