Dear Jon

hmph. some things to brainstorm or wonder about with last night's show but a lot of it was unclear and still unclear burmuda matrix language. I'm going to take John Edwards in two ways: the literal father and you. First the literal father. The news is so old, of course I would not believe that I am any orignator of an Edwards conspiracy. Woop de doo, I am being called a slut. The word "crazy," I've never been wild about but in up to date times, I just don't care. I don't understand why he would have so much against me. He was the one to attack from the start. I really don't know what I did to get under his skin so much to have such a dislike for me. In a side thought the baby face video of Edwards was so funny. I laughed despite whatever real story is going on. With you, you act as if being called a slut is the mother of all F-bombs. It is the F-bomb. You have called and treated me worse than just a slut. Maybe a slut is the biggest and baddest name in your book. I have been paranoid before with Hunter, but I had more of a hunch that you were going for someone else. I wasn't completely sold on that one and moreso anorexic to her name and the story. I havn't forgot about the name Sarah Vowell and it is another thing I stay paranoid with and don't know what to think...... I think you are giving another possible trail for yourself: Seinfeld could be one of your cats. Maybe instead of watching Mad Men, you want me to watch Seinfeld. While I havn't watched all seasons from finish to start, I've seen some shows. I'm not crazy about the show, but if you wanted to switch the homework assignment, I could. You seem like you can never get enough attention. Being a real famous person, it could be expected of you. I was also going with the hunch of the myspace David from Colorado that I blogged with years ago. Well, I didn't blog with him, but read his blogs and have written some of my own. In some reflections of myspace blogging overall, I feel like such a dork, but during that time, I actually had fun with the whole blogging thing. Are you trying to say he is still interested and you are in another pimp mode? All the talk with him during your show last night wasn't clear. In the past, good and bad memories with blogging.....hmph. Right now, I've been getting the vibes that you aren't attracted to me one bit. The predator in you isn't completely clear right now. I'm conversational anyway with other things and when it comes to you being predatory or mean, I really don't have much else to say. I don't understand what you want or what I am supposed to do. I am and am not emotional.

Dear Jon

I'm a little perplexed at just how much nicer you were last night. It could be another B.S. arbitrage, but besides some hunches, I would think you really are wanting to make conversation. I may not know the motive of you being nice, but you came across as being nice last night....
I have picked up on some other random things. You brought up one name, Oscar, from "death at a funeral." I did have an assumption on who I thought Oscar was. I really don't know how he has been doing these days or what is going on with him. I assume you could be assuming... With the movie as a whole, maybe the movie was just one big joke, but I still don't understand where it came from or how much truth there is to some things......
Thoughts of religion and terror. I have felt terrorized for a long time for a lot of reasons. It really makes no sense to be vulnerable or disclosing to you because you have had your own occasions of being terrorizing. I don't know if it really is all religion, but I definitely believe there are several motives out there for whatever the reasons are of why people do what they do. I have actually wanted to talk a little about religion with you despite "warnings" of ~the taliban~. You were the one to bring up Christianity the other day when you showed a disturbing pic of a pregnant woman with a censor of the manger covering her up. I don't know where that lash came from, and although I call myself agnostic, I did find it offensive. Christianity is part of my upbringing and while being an agnostic, I do believe in the Christian God. I don't think I would be going to church for a long time or I don't know if even ever. But, there may be a day where I would want to be a better Christian on my own without going to church. I really havn't wanted to talk about religion for a long time and it is a spontaneous and rare thing whenever I do. Besides my own personal faith, like the rest of the people in the world, I obviously have a serious problem when it comes to judgement. How people judge, the intellect of the judgement, the fairness of the judgement, the motives, the politics and literally defining the type of governing power off of judgement.
Right now, I could spend some time whining and I probably will. I wouldn't mind having some cheese with that as well. I'm just sick of people's entitlements. I'm sick of people being overassumptive and constantly on my back or looking over my shoulder. I'm tired of the desperation. I'm tired of the obsessing. I'm tired of how controlled and pointlessly controlled my life is.
With some things people have already said in the past when using their irrelevant judgement against me, I can already make my own assumptions of what people could be saying now. In my world, a lot of my aim is getting a job. I still think it is extreme for me to force myself to be a stripper. I have said if I can't find a job that I might consider. I really think some people are just ridiculous and still irrelevant with "pick your poison." It is not that I necessarily aim to be self-righteous or a do-gooder. I think if there was anything that I would want accurately to come across right now is: I have skills of sorts and know it, and I'm alright and know it. I may not come in first place in a contest, but the gist is I know I'm an adequate person. Because I have pride, I don't like to nag too much about: so what is the hold up? I hate it when commies give themselves that food of power that they have the power to waste my time.
I think that is all for now. I wish I had other things to talk about. I probably do have lots of things to talk about but right now, I guess I'm just set on my most prioritized ones.
As for you and me. I definitely feel tested and you are making me nervous. I still consider myself in a really emotional state right now and you make me nervous when I notice your random movements of being sly and smooth. I don't know what you're up to if you're up to something. All I'm going to say is you're making me nervous.

Country Songs and other random thoughts

First off, I was never a huge fan of country. It is ok. I wasn't crazy over one of the awards shows this year either. Every so often, I have listened to it more in recent times and have been a little surprised with some videos and even had a few laughs. Some say country music is the most depressing, but I think there are other songs in general or even genres that are more depressing. I think the most though, that country music has the most songs that are more family oriented and relationship focused. It seems down to earth more but some other songs that aren't country can still be down to earth. I thought I'd throw my random opinion in there.
Speaking of country music, I did include some country songs in my baby song cd's. I can't see who I'm talking to right now. This is a time when the message isn't as obvious but I am picking up on the communication. It is only a simple page on msn with Taylor Swift and Lee Ann Rimes. Although this is another time where I don't know who I am talking to, I'll talk back anyway. I havn't always been crazy about some of their music, but with the name Mitzi and Swift's song "Romeo Save Me," has almost the same tune but not quite. I can relate to the song myself sometimes when I feel undermined and/or bossed around. It isn't that I take back any criticism, but I can honestly relate that I wish someone would save me. Regardless if it is male or female (knowing some people are looking over my shoulder to be obsessive and over analytical), some people really go beyond my boundaries with their "expressed dominance," period. Because I have made choices to remain my own person, these bossy people have effected my survival because they have thought they deserve the entitlement for me to be subjected to them. As I've already stated, I see myself in having very good judgement. When life situations involve work, there are many differences and boundaries between an actual personal life and work life and job description. I think I've said that at practically every place I've worked despite being a broken record, and still, people have not gotten it with their actual actions.
Besides elaborating on the trail of thought, is back to the initial msn page presentation. I feel I have some kind of support coming from somewhere with the message of one of swifts songs and the meaning of Mitzi "she has a mind of her own," where people or some person is being agreeable for once. I still have been doing a lot of shunning in the media lately and I'm not really caring a lot about anything right now. I guess it really depends on what does and doesn't get my attention. This instance of agreement got my attention though. I don't know if it is going to be life changing or if anything will be different in the future.
For math clarity (Lee Ann Rimes looks like Kate Hudson a little and she and other women in the matrix has had the audacity to say that she does deserve the entitlement to be bossy and domineering). I was actually a little confused because on the cd I have another song by Lee Ann "I hope you Dance." But it was Lee Ann Womack who is someone totally different. I think there are some Rimes' songs that I like too, but I was never good with names in country. This is also more about people in the matrix in their relation than to their actual and literal distant role of relation as a country singer.
...So many ways to be rigging..... Fortunately, in this instance there is nothing at stake because it is just social. But who knows, someone may try to play rig tricks anyway. Damn arbitrage.
I don't have a lot of other thoughts right now. I thought it was nice though that somewhere out there someone is being agreeable with the name Mitzi. And I know there will be the typical people in denial that I will still have to say: "seriously," to.