Dealing with more tangible difficulties

With every problem I come across, I would definitely rather deal with something that is more tangible although difficult and tough than try to work something out with something that isn't even close to being down-to-earth.

I have several key articles:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/28/business/28corner.html?pagewanted=2&ref=business&src=me

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=26199835>1=32023

http://www.themoscowtimes.com/news/article/far-east-mayor-faces-abuse-case/425249.html

The first article is my main focus, the latter two are reminders to abrupt one-sidedness and that there are other people out there who have different sight as well.

But, before I want to tackle some of the tough stuff, if there is any hand I would hold and squeeze, I would want to squeeze Sid's hand. I see other scatterings where he may feel uncomfortable and I'd want to squeeze him while we are both uncomfortable. Right now it is situational where I feel triggered and if there was any way to react, that is how I would act in this situation. But again, I give no promises.

But, since I am on my own, I want to give a little more say, and as much as I try to be a little reasonable, it is going to have to be more of a brutal route.
This is the article I'm working with:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/28/business/28corner.html?pagewanted=2&ref=business&src=me

I begin by saying that I appreciate that he acknowledges the trust issue and how much it is of a determiner concerning whether a person chooses to open up to another or not. Other times, people are simply forced to open up for whatever manipulated reason.
But, even in the beginning, he ruins himself when I read in between his lines at some probable sick perversions he may be trying to say. And, it is the most predictable thing to assume he is most likely not thinking about personal history or even present examples as to why I wouldn't trust him. Thinking further ahead, because of having already experienced and heard things, is the issue of "authority, wealth, and battle of dominance." Anyone can say what they want, but in this article alone, I have already concluded that I see tyranny, one-sided, unchosen authority of him over me.

I think most of the article brings mostly nothing but argument from me.
First issue is the issue of defense. Like I have already stated, I already do not trust him. I have felt emotionally murdered though years ago for the issue of defense. I'm not literally dead, it is not a battle I have decided to lose to. When I see other people hate on me for me being defensive, it don't feel cut at all. I see them as manipulators and aggressors. It is my personal right to choose if I do or do not want to say or give anything at all. People can name call me all they want; they can give me all the psychological diagnosis' they want for what I choose or don't choose to say. I remain unmoved. It makes me hate socialism even more for its ways of literally treating people as they are another's property when it comes to deciding the rights of that individual and trying to manipulate and push them out of their rights. Some socialists have major issues concerning their systematic circuitry. I see demands to make their Sim world at their command and control.

A reminder about the "manager" issue. I don't feel I am really in a literal setting where he is my real manager. He could be the matrix man that does have some kind of control of where I may work and be a higher up of the company. I really don't know. He not even be a matrix man in my literal setting but may be a matrix man in another setting where he wants me to be a wired, programmed, and presented Sim in his world to his matrix followers. I can't clearly see the setting in this instance.

How self-centered I am? I unashamedly say you will probably never comprehend it. Ok, I can be selfless when I want, but it is an area that I wish you no control over and to remain ignorant with. Yes, defenses are definitely up. Speaking of being self-centered, the thought of meeting another person's expectation is not even a thought I have thought much of. In a literal work place, I can meet literal work demands. In a socialist setting, I have to be sincerely won over or have an obvious life-threatening manipulation where I feel the need to meet whatever expectations.

I have a major issue with passion and personality. I highly disagree on his judgement of character when he writes it off more as behavior. I will be open enough to say there are liars and corruption in this world that really does know tormenting triggers and things to get under anothers skin that they would rather redirect the blame on the person who is being provoked and tormented. Incase he hasn't noticed, I grow more numb and thick-skinned everyday to torments and provokings. As far as personality? It is not something to compete with. I can see how in the workplace that personality can be related to being in a certain position in general terms. At the same time, I think it is wrong to compare and judge one to another as being inferior/superior on the basis of having a personality. It is just not something to compete with. It is not something where a person will change because one person may be "superior" to them.

I still conclude this article as a very tyranical article that is beating around the bush, but beating around the bush with a little more intelligence. (not meant in a perverted way).

Post Thanksgiving

Well, I'm still in a period of being broke, so my post-Thanksgiving is not going to be in connection with Black Friday. It is an event that I will have to miss out on. I'll live.
Today wasn't really that bad, I spend it as I have in my new work routine. I love sleeping in and not feeling bad about it. I at least feel a little well rested, but there is still not enough time in the day. I wish I had a little extra time to workout or something, but today, I'll have to compensate by having a tighter diet.
............................................
In reflection of yesterday, I see some whisperings and maybe even promises. To respond to particular people, I'm not sold on any promises. I don't have a strong reaction. I am quite skeptical actually.
In return, even though I may be a little more open or friendly, my countenance should not be mistaken for something else. I make no promises. I feel I am starting to make a different and new connection, but there are no strong ties. There are no chosen paths at this point. I feel the need to be more observant, open, and push myself to be more aware and mindful of someone.

I write off some criticisms. Some people out there are already assuming me and another as entertainment and would like to mold us into a performance mentality. Either being taken as a serious politician or joker; I am not entertainment, and neither is he. We are simply living life making our own choices.

I see both negative and positive mixed feelings with someone and before I make my own choice of perception about his personality, I will remain undecided and perplexed until I get him a little better.

...............................

My next thoughts are moreso random.
I don't have any strong Thanksgiving feelings. I went to a restaurant by myself again this year, but still shared some company. The food was really good. I mean really good.
I saw Angelina's thoughts of Thanksgiving. I like how she feels about it.
I didn't take the time to have more deep thoughts about the holiday. I don't think too much about the actual history of America's Thanksgiving, but there have been past celebrated holidays of thanksgiving in my own life where I felt truly thankful. Even though it may sound cheesy or too wholesome, I don't mind spending a day to think about things I am thankful or grateful for.
This year, I have no comment when it comes to thanks.

I received a letter in the mail where I feel more provoked by bickering about one of my last places of employment related to my unemployment check. And surprise, surprise, I was once again cheated out of at least giving some kind of response. After a decision was already made, I received the letter where it gave me opportunity to have a say whether or not I am regarded or not.
But, I'm going to write unemployment a letter anyway to let them know about timing of letters in the mail and that I'm not destroyed by their criticism.

In thoughts to myself, yes I'm still mad. I think it is extremely wrong, unfair, and unreasonable. Call me a sore loser; I still think it is bad judgement. Do I really want to live the rest of my life though bickering over someone's relentless bickering and listen to how much they hate me? No. I don't think they should have so much power to "ruin" me.

Instead, I'm moving on. Like I have been. I still hate the codependent games that people try to trick, cheat, sabotage, and harass me with, but I continue to adapt and adjust to the world's hatred. It does not mean I accept it or am one with it.
................................
I'm looking forward to the future as rough as life is right now. I'm glad that I've held onto myself and that even though I may not have received anything that I may have wanted in this past year, I'm glad at some new experience. I look forward to learning new things in the future, expanding on my small business, and continuing to save for special possibilities that may come my way or that I may run into.

A couple of random thoughts usual disturbings.

I believe at this point, I may be going through some kind of preparation or training for some Russian tricks and corruption.
As crazy as some of my assumptions, guesses, and beliefs with mind science goes, my curiousity and quest continues on to learn more. I've been around too many interrogators and tests that it is harder to not believe than wonder what is really being done.
Sometimes, I think it is used against me where I may be being rigged. Emotional triggers: anger, laughter, and even sadness at times when it is most inappropriate. Sometimes it is obvious, but other times, I believe that maybe through some sort of hypnosis or unexplainable mind experiment triggers my emotions at any given time whether appropriate or inappropriate.
I think there is sick rigging going on in my house and even elsewhere where the environment is really manipulated which brings me to my next thought:
My newest creative idea of the home analogy. I've compared myself to a house before in trying to explain the 4th ammendment to people sometimes when I have had to be a cat. I compare feeling violated to a house being robbed as in "The Panic Room," with Jodie Foster. Anyway, I made up my own Home Depot greeting today while training with my new job and the ad went something along the lines of: we specialize in making bricks and also we have UNMANIPULATED blue prints. I can only say it for myself. I don't literally say it for my literal home or literal family. I know they are either manipulators or liars at whatever time.
I also want to keep adding on my personal report about my dad. I think he is a sick pervert who does not know boundaries. I don't know if he was sadistically making a pass at me with the Raspberry pie, or it was his way of trying to intimidate me or make me feel ashamed or embarassed for what the Russians did with Dunkin Donuts. I can't see my dad's motive; it is sick period for him to make any insinuations in relation to Dunkin Donuts.
He probably still reads all my blogs and I hate his sick, stalking behavior.

Speaking of Russians, it seems they have greatly warmed up to me today for whatever reason. I don't know why or understand. I do make remarks and say things from time to time. I could be wrong, but maybe some of the Russian leaders like how I take advantage of their info about being corrupt and use it against people sometimes. Maybe I don't really have to try hard at all to be any kind of entertainment to them and am an automatic entertainer. I really do not know why there is such a kindness there, but I can give a subtle smile back.

I do not know who : "We can't be friends" is from. I don't know who is saying that to me and if it is said out of only wanting to be a lover, or the person hates me sincerely and wouldn't consider anything at all.

I can't take back what I said about a particular person but I feel a little emotionally awful for having to say it, but I don't take it back.

This week is the second week that I have watched "Outsourced" and I find some things to be pretty comical. I think when I get in the regular schedule after my training, I will start from episode 1 and keep up with this show. There is some obvious drama where I definitely feel either taunted, tested, provoked, or hated, but I'm curious about the whole story line. I think it may not answer everything, but a few questions may be answered. I may have a better idea of my surroundings.

I did watch The Apprentice again tonight. I'm a little unsure of what to think. Do they still connect me and include me in the show? Do they still identify me with some of the girls? I don't identify myself and I think if he is he is being too extreme and hard on me. I will leave the specific example in neutral terms, but if it came down to being fired over the specific example, there is no comparison between how I handled it and how Lisa handled it. No comparison at all. I don't know how to take the remark about crafts. I don't know if they are being literal or catty in the way I suspect, but either way, I still stand by my small business: Sprightly Finesse. Maybe 1 or 2 scarves may look tacky, but I like my scarves AND my hats. I have sold quite a few that is currently not in my inventory that turned out pretty nice. If I had the money, I would afford nicer yarn, but it will be just a couple of weeks until I can reinvest in better yarn, but what I have I don't think looks that bad. Some customers have seemed pretty happy with their purchases.

Nothing else is on my mind now.