Fresh thoughts

Things have seemed to lighten up a little, but life still could be drastically better.
Thinking politically. Of all the attention, I feel a lot of media focus has been about politics lately.
When it comes to Obama, I'm getting annoyed: The best thing you can do is vote for me. I'm not necessarily against him. Undecided right now, but I'm annoyed at all his "vote for me's." He needs to say other things. He does sometimes, but I'm simply annoyed.
What I think and where I stand: As much as I hate how some leadership is, I don't want to think of being connected to a president if Palin were to win. I don't want to think of any presidential burdens (although I already feel I do now). I think it would give me more opportunity to bitch about being taken advantage of and I'd have a deeper depression even if I was seen as a high and mighty leader. No money, no credit, but being used= not a real love. I think it is sick. I think it is sick where it is right now after being used, abused, and exploited that people seem to still leave me in my vulnerability to die. Its not that because of how difficult my life is that I want to shut all people out and be a hermit because nobody seems to have anything good to offer. It is my reality now, but I think I'm experiencing some extreme interrogation some days where the cops literally want me to kill someone. If I were given something, I would feel a more considered love to be able to love others better. But because I moreso feel taken advantage of, I feel no choice but to be closed off and harsh often.

I did see the new Sarah Bareillis music video:


People make it so hard in instances like this to fight against being a Mother Theresa. It is kind of their way of saying that I am of good purpose, but I don't know what their ultimate hidden agenda is, or the why of making my spirit famous.
I don't argue against the song by any means.
Yes, I have figuratively taken the name of "Frieda," with Selma Hayak as the actress. But, I hate how the story seems to be framed: Because I felt rejected and ugly while growing up, I started growing gay roots because of it.
To clarify with the ignorant: I am not against homosexuality. I'm not particularly thinking about the military in this conversation either.
This is where I get frustrated because I think some guys take friendships too far. I used to think nothing when being a friend with a female. In the past few years however, I have an evergrowing paranoia that I'm always assumed to either be gay or bisexual because I have a female friend. I have a lot of suppressed offenses because of so many assumptions when I was just trying to have fun and being a friend. I get so mad at how some people sexually correlate EVERYTHING. I wish having female friends was more possible and easy to this day. It isn't anymore. Not just because of my paranoia, but most females I encounter really do not know how to be a friend. Some are straight up assholes that I wouldn't think twice about being friends with.

Again, I am not against homosexuals or gays. Even after all of the male hatred, I still have a preference for men. I don't have any strong or serious feelings for anyone. A previous blog was blocked: Why is it an issue that someone always has to be in a relationship? Why are so many assumptions made out of a single person?
I take love seriously. I have learned to have fun, but I don't define love entirely as "fun." Love takes commitment and sacrifice. Love takes seriousness. Love takes work sometimes (commitment). I am picky. I think I have some bisexuality in me, and one day, I may want to be with a woman. But right now, I'm so hurt, offended, and damaged, the idea of being in a relationship WITH ANYONE isn't really ingrained or planned in my head. I don't like being risky with being a slut. But, if there is anything I'm interested in with anyone, it would be having a fling or a one night stand. I could take time and wait for a relationship, but even in my solitude I really wish I was held and touched sometimes, even if it was a one night stand.

I hate to start my next thought with previous paragraph, but toss my paranoia aside and oh well...

Russia is an interesting country to read about. I don't read every article. But I think somethings are so corrupt or outrageous, it is interesting. Some things are regular and simple and its just other random info I don't mind learning about. I like to explore my curiosities some times. People didn't connect me to Dora for nothing. I hate how it looks on me though to know they are dangerous, yet I continue to explore in my curiosity.
I learned today that they actually pay students to go to college. Now, I'm envious. But, maybe after learning some things about Russia, their schools might not be the best communistic place to go to anyway. It feels like its practically communism here, so I don't know how much of a comparison it would be between the two countries.
I saw another place where there is more Russian obviousness, but I don't know what to assume or exactly what to connect. Maybe I have a "trainer," to train me to stay away from the place and they want to put a danger sign. Personally, I remind people that death is possible anywhere. Maybe it isn't even a sign of death. Would someone seriously want to punish me for having flings and one night stands? They are psycho if so.
One article, I don't quite get. I'm assuming he may think I actually want to protest about the body issue. He says it is a fight I can't win. In addition there was a hint of more sexual harassment. Even in sexual harassment, I'm modest about protesting. It is discrimination if it is a body issue. I'd want to seek a different place to go, hmmmm. Maybe that is the connection. He is being literal with a specific job that isn't even presidential. That would be a disguised but slap in the face discrimination. I wouldn't honestly know until after the interview and choice. Man, I really hate how some connections are made and what people are disguisingly being literal and serious with. God man, I hope it is just in his workplace, even though it shouldn't be, and that there really are other places in the country that does not really have sexual discrimination. With the way things are going now, I feel people are making a good thing go to waste. I'm uncertain with how far the connection may go.
My simple connection:
relationships and careers should not be revolved around the same personal choices. This is another reason I hate whatever communism/socialism or whatever is in charge. Relationships and careers should be complete separate categories of their own. And taking a step ahead, if this is a bs karma game, it is nothing but a lie. I had fun one time saying I'm an equal opportunity dater, but I think it is possible that an ignorant person could have taken it the wrong way and made a huge deal and mess out of it causing me to suffer over their stupid judgement.
In another funny article,
http://www.themoscowtimes.com/business/article/raspadskaya-output-drops/420006.html
I think the Russians may be trying to say I am their coal giving Santa. They hate me. Well, it makes me feel a little better to be called a cunt.