Hemmorhaging

So, how much of a rape can I say "David Stark" is? Although you could have been trying to be honest with me about who you are, you WERE NEVER HONEST OR CLEAR ENOUGH. YOU DID GIVE ME A DIFFERENT IMPRESSION THAN MY BOSS AT ROCKY GAP. I NEVER EVEN HAD ANY SORT OF FEELINGS FOR HIM. HE WAS A CUTTHROAT, RUTHLESS, ENSLAVING, AND PREJUDICED BASTARD. YOU REALLY DID MEAN SOMETHING ELSE WHEN YOU LASHED OUT AT ME OVER FLIRT FOR FREE WITH JAMIE. YOU SEEMED TO GIVE A COUNTER SIGN, BUT THE ROCKY GAP BOSS' TOTALITARIANISM WAS MANIACAL AND EXTREME. It hurts so much that you would severely betray me like that. I will never in the life of me understand WHY YOU WOULD STILL COME ON TO ME. I don't believe that the Rocky Gap Boss is making a pass at me and if so, I wouldn't know why he would come onto me too? He is a repulsively sick totalitarian. Just when I think everything is peaches and cream with you and I; a piano comes falling from the sky and smashes on me. ~lividly screaming on the inside~. You still have a lust for me. It hurts so much. I know I did succumb to you last night. Right now, I'm not going to go in the meticulous technicalities of rape. I just don't understand what gives with the vain totalitarianism and the way the conquestial terrorism never ends. I am in pain and feel like I am hemorrhaging. I could have thought you were a proud Lenny with the "Lady," song, but you really mean to be self-centered and vain knowing my tears and pain are keeping your ego fed. YOU GAVE ME THE IMPRESSION YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE AND SOMEONE WHO WAS GENUINLY INTO ME. I HATE YOU.

David, Brawny Man?

How to phrase this.... I'm not sure what all you know about me and what I think of others... I have been so anxious and full of stress lately. Work has been slow, and although I have better luck some days than others, I'm not making as much as I usually do. I can't get enough sleep and still have bad times of insomnia. I feel so alone sometimes. (I did see the "David Quinn" sign, and am putting that suspicion on the back burner for now).I have so much on my mind and am stressed in so many ways. ..... I feel I have already said what all I need to say. John Atchison's lurker comes and goes. He is another impossible man where violence begets violence and he has no point. Jihadi John Jihadi Sam. Whether or not he is a real Muslim, he seems to believe in the sharia law. They make their own rules, bullshit contests, or challenges and more than deservingly want to put me at their mercy. Last night, I know I was grossly sexually assaulted in the mind. I'm not sure how much their Russian terrorism gets caught or away with. I don't know what sick test it is or who has killed to keep me terrified with their grotesque nerve, but I'm getting pretty angry at his dumb pig warmonger. Besides being a pig with his dumb violence, he is a pig at what he wants to put on me. I can fearlessly continue to fight fire with fire with my own one-sidedness, and I do, but I know he is just going to keep being this pig of a man who will never stop throwing a fit to express dominance over me. I'm not sure how other people are looking at the both of us. Besides not being at his mercy, I'm usually not at the mercy of what other people think either. I have my own made up mind. He looks like a given jealous totalitarian terrorist. He looks like he could never be more jealous and possessive with "Who am I to decide any choice over my life?" "Who am I to give myself away to whomever I choose?" There are times when I feel he is so desperate to lie against me or vengefully refuse to give up on his assumption that I am always an available possession for him to own. Besides that, and besides his bullshit rules and contests, he fights to have the bigger and more kills of rejection. Thus, he will always deserve to have control over my life because he is the "Dominant (and desperately competitive) rejecter." I know I'm not giving him a chance. But I've always known the wrongness that it is to be that totalitarian or have that self- entitlement. I've known the wrongness of being a sore loser and a vain pig. I think he is such a weak person who doesn't even want to consider the truth of rejection on my end and that I know I'm not giving him a chance. I know he's the type of pig who wants to put the control freak or Gadaffi on me. I just can't stand his weak mindedness and his own warring thought processes either. I can't stand his stupid judgment and assumptions and the way he wants to war over it with me. Sam's dumb sharia law with "because I've slept with someone, yada yada yada" Sam is the sickest in his conquestial terrorism. ....... My little vent shpeal with the Jihadi John A. baby daddy is over. I'm not sure if you have read my other blogs. Although I hate Kate Hudson, I do fear "How to Lose a Guy in 10 days." I know I don't want to lose you. I want to let you in and know I have some trust in you. If you are out to protect me, I'd be appreciative if I felt a little less defenseless. I'd be relieved to have a voice with someone else. I feel so lonely sometimes. Although being single or on my own has some good benefits; there are sometimes that are harder than others in being and feeling alone. I may not always have something to say or be the best conversationalist, but I wish you were in my life more for mutual company or companionship. It could be too soon, but I get so anxious.