You Wear Black Because

..... Yeah David, not sure what all the present talk is or how I should follow you, but I just don't care to win with you anymore. You undermine "Eddie," but it could still mean anything. I really don't think you love or accept me for who I am. You love and accept me or you don't. You could be backing down with the breast issue, but I'm not being easy. I know I am bleeding and crying on the inside, but I bleed it out just to throw it away. You seem to continue to dominantly advance and make more lunges to come after me and capture me for yourself anyway. I'm really not liking the looks of your dominant. I know I've been a tease and provocative, but I know my motives for what they were when I was asking for it. There is a timing for everything. Because of what the present story and circumstances are, I know I don't want to be treated as your sex slave or submissive like that. If I can't win with you, I expect you to be honest with what my real truth is and I don't want to be anymore livid and full of rage because of the way people have never got my truth right. If I can win, I seriously want to be left alone. The thought of you being able to convince me that I am seriously accepted, wanted, and loved has faded. I'm not the type who keeps pursuing and wanting a man who I think is wrong. I've gone without this long and know I can still go without. ....

David: Inside and Outside

Let's start with the inside and you in my head..... Being a little more possessive because you know I let you. I have some resistance but not enough. I feel loved and wanted/needed. It's good to make me feel like this. Maybe some men have a thing or a crush on me, but I've never been convinced that they are serious enough about me or love or want me enough. I'm not sure which men you would want to question me with, but you are the main man of interest right now. I know I want you, but I have my own emotional hesitancies. Some men have come and gone and I have had my fair share of heart breaks. I know there are a lot of vain ones who might assume that I would be available anytime they want to take me back, but I'm not the easy or desperate woman that some men would mistake me to be. I really do hate how the egomaniacs or super structured ones think they have me beat, conquested, or forever won. Some may recognize that I was never there or never won the way they would credit themselves some day. I know how ego feuds and men who don't want to want to be rejected can get. I know they won't always get the way that it took two to tango. I'm not an egomaniac to obsess or argue over it, but sometimes my anger or frustrations can get the better of me... Until I find the right man or the man that would work....... David, let's say you seriously were still serious for me.... If I'm in a relationship, I do need a certain amount of attention and kept up to date on. Sex matters, and spending good time with me matters too. It's not that I need it 24/7. I haven't been in a relationship in a long time and it would be a different pace of life at first to be spending more time than usual with an endeared other. I GUESS I JUST THINK that part of my resistance to you being possessive is the unfairness that we still haven't formally met or spent any time together. I am not sure if we will ever spend time together? Maybe you like the masculinity and power of being possessive of a woman and knowing she likes it, but there is still something missing. .... I obviously haven't left you yet presently. (I come and go) I feel strung along and may eventually feel an under dogged Don Draper victim who you really don't think is good enough for you. I usually naturally fall out of love when I don't feel loved, appreciated, or wanted enough. I have my own extents. ...................OUTSIDE. It is really looking pretty bad on my end actually. While you haven't made any comment against me, you haven't made any comment. You and Gillian look like the more dominant and official couple. The decades relationship you guys have had but you never married? If it has never happened than it most likely would never happen or maybe it would be a better time now? Maybe you've already had a love affair while married, or maybe you have always believed in having an open marriage? I don't know David. I know it isn't looking good on my end. hmph. convinced in some ways in the head but unconvinced on the outside. ....