Blog to Joel

Joel, I could really elaborate on the thousands of different ways people have been too corrupt in my life..... I also want to say, I don't consider myself an egocentric person. I can tell when I am and am not being talked to by some people. I respect the fact that you are talking to an audience and not just one individual. Of course, I would always come in your door or leave an open door for you to have an individual conversation with...... Whether or not I should be paranoid with some of your quotes is just something I am going to have my own free-willed response to. Would you like some tea and crumpets Joel? lol. There is another way I could really let myself go now, but I will try to repress myself as much as I can for you.... Todays quote of yours: "Don't let what people say bother you. If your friends are critics and faultfinders, find some new friends." ......is not on the same page as mine. It is not the tip of my iceburg. If you were to be looking in my direction to say that, you are minimizing and looking at my serious problems in a very terrible extent. Very watered down terrible not even close enough truth.... I appreciated the other quote better when you said "Your darkest hour can become your brightest hour. Start declaring freedom from anything that’s holding you back." I have had too many dark hours....... Besides the fact that bad things can happen to anyone, is a different overall outlook on life that I personally have. To ask or expect me to be humble or have humility is an impossible expectation. I know I am too well-grounded, sound, too qualified, and too good in a lot of ways to be forced to be at the mercy or subjected to the dominant judgmental rapist delegation that has been in my life. This is my 3rd or 4th time to be on unemployment and having a period of unemployment. The totalitarianism in my life wants me to feel so ruined with the work history it wants to give me. Of course the totalitarianism has the same back to back mindset of: It is not me, it is you.......... While I know I still have faith Joel, it has been very terrifying to know the type of people who believe they are my superior and keep working to ruin me for their sake and make my life miserable in the worst ways. I need to be rescued. I need a miracle. I need a real tangible act of something to change my world......... I guess what I could be saying in the simplest of terms, if you are looking my direction in certain ways that are not on my page, I naturally lose my respect and trust for you. I'm not out to live to be ignored and underestimated. My problems will not be minimized. It is safer for you to cheer and inspire than to take control of my problems in a terrible way.......... If some of my hunches are correct and there is a sexual war going on behind walls, yes you would definitely be more of a turn on and motivation than other types of men. I am not one who likes to throw myself on a man. If you were not married, (well, if there wasn't a pressure of me hurting your integrity by having an affair or something other) I would be thrilled if you were to throw yourself on me. (Some women have taken it in the worst way that I make the choice to die for them by not being a home wrecker. I don't do it for their sake.) When I am forced to lose to someone's over assumptive and overpowering and pigeon-holing structure, I do have to say something like that. I love you Joel, God bless you.