Farmers wish Granted

Hey Farmer Man! I don't know if someone happened to send you an Aldo catalog (my fav shoe company) but boy did they really dress you up. I'd love to show you. Punk shoes and all. ahah! Farmer wants me to give to him. Well, if in literal terms, I can only afford my own shoes. (The ones I got in the mail had a higher heel than I expected). Besides the dramatic fashion, I still feel sexy in them and can't wait to wear them. I'm wearing the other black shoes I got for the weekend. I don't know if you like to play fashion games but it is fun playing one with you. Blocked roads because of cost? Not sure where this is going. If you are looking at me as if I am seriously looking at you with hooker eyes, you are and are not getting me. I have not signed any contracts with any pimps. I never gave you a price to start with, and really haven't been working on a structure with prices and all the details. Besides all the talk, rumors, and lies; I'm not a real prostitute. I am a virgin to it and wouldn't know how to be one if I tried. I do have a thing against judgmental people and I am a dangerous person to cast judgment on. I could purposefully BS how you present yourself and make you look like a cheap deadbeat because he wants me to buy him shoes and accessories to go with me. But, I'm not seriously looking at you like that right now, because on my clock, we are still at an introduction. Although we are already off to a violent start; I'd rather not keep it violent. If Farmer wants me to GIVE than how about dropping all your weapons and let me just give to you. Do you want me to give you the night? Do you want a relationship? Or do you want a specific type of ongoing relationship? Do you just want to meet and get to know each other? If Farmer wants me to give the night, it is as easy as ABC. I bet you're one of my stalkers and know where to find me. If you really don't stalk me like that, then you will have to at least ask or find my cell phone number so I can tell you where I am at whatever time. It is as easy as just meeting me. I am hot and turned on for you but I'm not going to let you purposely ruin some of my time because you want to make it some kind of stood up or dumped scene. I'm going to dance or party the night away and create my own good time on my own like I always do. I sure wouldn't mind the company.

Blog to Joel

Joel, I could really elaborate on the thousands of different ways people have been too corrupt in my life..... I also want to say, I don't consider myself an egocentric person. I can tell when I am and am not being talked to by some people. I respect the fact that you are talking to an audience and not just one individual. Of course, I would always come in your door or leave an open door for you to have an individual conversation with...... Whether or not I should be paranoid with some of your quotes is just something I am going to have my own free-willed response to. Would you like some tea and crumpets Joel? lol. There is another way I could really let myself go now, but I will try to repress myself as much as I can for you.... Todays quote of yours: "Don't let what people say bother you. If your friends are critics and faultfinders, find some new friends." ......is not on the same page as mine. It is not the tip of my iceburg. If you were to be looking in my direction to say that, you are minimizing and looking at my serious problems in a very terrible extent. Very watered down terrible not even close enough truth.... I appreciated the other quote better when you said "Your darkest hour can become your brightest hour. Start declaring freedom from anything that’s holding you back." I have had too many dark hours....... Besides the fact that bad things can happen to anyone, is a different overall outlook on life that I personally have. To ask or expect me to be humble or have humility is an impossible expectation. I know I am too well-grounded, sound, too qualified, and too good in a lot of ways to be forced to be at the mercy or subjected to the dominant judgmental rapist delegation that has been in my life. This is my 3rd or 4th time to be on unemployment and having a period of unemployment. The totalitarianism in my life wants me to feel so ruined with the work history it wants to give me. Of course the totalitarianism has the same back to back mindset of: It is not me, it is you.......... While I know I still have faith Joel, it has been very terrifying to know the type of people who believe they are my superior and keep working to ruin me for their sake and make my life miserable in the worst ways. I need to be rescued. I need a miracle. I need a real tangible act of something to change my world......... I guess what I could be saying in the simplest of terms, if you are looking my direction in certain ways that are not on my page, I naturally lose my respect and trust for you. I'm not out to live to be ignored and underestimated. My problems will not be minimized. It is safer for you to cheer and inspire than to take control of my problems in a terrible way.......... If some of my hunches are correct and there is a sexual war going on behind walls, yes you would definitely be more of a turn on and motivation than other types of men. I am not one who likes to throw myself on a man. If you were not married, (well, if there wasn't a pressure of me hurting your integrity by having an affair or something other) I would be thrilled if you were to throw yourself on me. (Some women have taken it in the worst way that I make the choice to die for them by not being a home wrecker. I don't do it for their sake.) When I am forced to lose to someone's over assumptive and overpowering and pigeon-holing structure, I do have to say something like that. I love you Joel, God bless you.