Brain Storming

I know I don't like the thought of making Mike feel abandoned. ... The things I just don't know. The bondage assault is still up in the air, and I still don't know where that threat came from. It really looked like all fingers were pointing to Mike. Both he and Sidney break in my head to keep me seduced out of the victim and bring some assurance with what is on their mind. I know I'm still a little bit of a victim in another way, but the issue was blocked. I'm too paranoid with the date rape. It is nice they want to keep me and all, but I just can't be kept by the same arbitrage that has already over failed and over betrayed me. I feel past arbitrage wants to ruin and sabotage my next prospects, but what if all of the gang rapes are bigger than what I know? What if Mike and Sidney really know all of my history and shamelessly just didn't care with how violent and inferior of a gang rape it always was? Yes, if a man is going Stockholm me, he needs to be a little bit more of a professional know it all. He found me out and kidnapped me for what? I have a homework expectation where if they are going to make some serious dominate moves and demand my submission; they better have some kind of idea or purpose in taking me for their self like that. It isn't ok to be so ignorant with my enemies. While I have been livid in so many ways, I know I have already been murderously and chauvinistically out pigged where it's on me with "people I don't know," AS IF I WERE EVER THE KIDNAPPER OR RAPIST TO BEGIN WITH. As if I were responsible for intentionally subjecting a person and putting their life on the line in a morose piggish way in forcing them to know me or put their self out for my own selfish reason. When someone IS being dominate with me, I sure have my reasons all right in expecting guys to do their homework. I can't let myself scream rape too much right now, but for the sake of rage prevention, I think Mike and Sidney should run from any piggishness at all costs. I bet they have a lot of other random women that they keep played (that they will be much safer with) and I would be more suspicious of Sidney being more of the player. Do I really have Sidney's forgiveness? Is he going to be playing one too many blind-siding games where I get more clueless than I ever was from the start and there is no point of a relationship because anything about the relationship will always be treated as too much of a joke? I can't completely trash the idea Sidney's relationship like that yet. Maybe Sidney does have his anger and rage, but maybe he does still have some will to care for me. I just didn't take the "tranny," comment serious enough and don't even know where it came from or why? He sure was giving me some major mixed signals of having a romantic will to care and lust and making me feel like an underdog. I know I didn't completely know what to believe with him either and feel I have probably missed some things. ....... I know I'm weaker and I know they love to eat my weakness up. Although I know I like their attention, something does feel unsafe and wrong with having both of them. I feel ravished and ravaged and I know some times of ravage came from them and I am made to question how much the recent violence has come from them, more so with Sidney. But, the violence could have come from Mike too. While I could understand that I could have made Sidney mad, I just can't understand the Jekyll and Hyde to feel romanced and a little loved to feel another violence like everything was nothing at all. I especially can't understand how could Mike be such a two-face if he was? The original identity of the violence wasn't Sidney's. I was going to try to be more quiet to just wait out to look and see what Mike and Sidney's next moves are. When I feel left in the dark too much; I scream for more light and more things to believe. I don't want to feel the paranoid date-raped victim; I don't want to be played in the worst inhumane way. I want them to let me in more. I will always want the Bollywood to stop and have whatever it is I have in the real world in a more real way.