As the Sarah Turns: Final Attempt and Closure

While Pete may continue to want to play games with me hereafter; this is my last attempt in wanting to reach him. There are cat and mouse games; push and pull; and give and take. I am at the point where I feel I can no longer try hard to pursue him on my end.... I know that I know Jack, David, and Tiger know who I am talking about. There are other freaky watchers who probably know who I'm talking about too; whose social circles and identities I am blind sided with. Josh is definitely another man I don't give credit for with Pete. Talking with David about Pete is completely out of the question, and I just won't have the nerve to ask about Pete with Jack. Jack was the one who made me feel betrayed with David, but I still can't ask Jack anyway. Pete, while you have creeped me out along the way either way, I should feel creeped out with your connections and the serious possibility that you were just there to be a spy for your bros, BUT you have gone and chased this here Ho. Mwah. Pete, you may have made a choice in wanting to quit and give up on me. I appreciated the emotional and sexual connection I had with you, but just as much as you might have a problem with the pressure I put you under, I have a problem with the pressure you put me under. I think you should understand the impossible and unreachable mystery man you are on my end already where I have already been such a fool in wanting to reach you. You further had some kind of expectations on me where it is very likely that you are keeping me played with someone else. Again, while I may be expecting too much from you, you are expecting too much from me. My heart already tore and cried itself out with the impossible situation that this has been, but I am reaching my own personal closure with you. I'm still upset that I wouldn't know that I know it's really you if I did see you again, because I didn't even know or remember your name from the start. I don't like the real arbitrage psychological game that is going on either. It was nice to have felt your connections and love at some point, but I'm done making the effort on my end. I can't chase your ghost like that anymore. We may not be done yet, but if you have wanted and expected me to be more decisively firm in staying with you, I expect more effort on your end. ......................... Last night was a little bit of a crazy night. While I have a personal message to Pete that is already out there, I just include my other thoughts in this blog too. I think its funny that Eric looks a little like Giovanni. He reminds me of a couple of different conflicting people and he just cracks me up sometimes whether Eric means to or not. I'm not close to him, but he is a very extroverted guy. ... A lot of random men there last night that were very questionable in the arbitrage and most appeared to be friendly. I didn't like one questionable harassment attempt with Chris Brown's song: "I want you to take me serious." I didn't think that was funny at all. Not coming from Chris Brown. It really couldn't have been made to be a real gesture, but I think it could be a particular Nathan, Sal, and Giovanni that some social network is leaving a bad rep with. I will be making another personal message to Giovanni soon. Besides some of that drama, I felt a rude pressure from another network that wanted to pidgeon hole me to make a choice. Someone wants to pressure me into choosing someone. Once again, someone wants to trash the idea of waiting or me being independent. While I have yet to do a specific song promotion; I cheesily have another song to promote where it should always feel a common concept. G Easy- "Me, Myself and I" I don't like the rudeness and hate that I feel with: "How dare I wait for a particular someone, or someone else I would feel is better for me. How dare I refuse to compromise myself. How dare I remain independent?" I understand the world has all kinds of pressures at times, and there are times that I especially feel pressured into throwing myself on someone. However, whether I can see something or not, that is pretty rude to pressure or pidgeon hole me into choosing to be aggressive amongst people....... Until then, I'm not wanting to get too worked up or anxious in drama, but drama sometimes happens. peace out to myself.