Random Thoughts and About Myself

About myself. Other than being centered around Mitzi; I can definitely be very self-centered. I can see myself as being over-protective in some ways, while other times I don't think I'm being protective of myself enough. I know I don't completely understand the history that I came from and not knowing which people are responsible for which things. I have been given several truths, and have suffered from a lot of various brutalities. I know there are a lot of things I am blind-sided to and I don't know where some information comes from, or what even half of the information is. Besides a lot of things that go on around me, I could say that I am a pretty resound woman. It isn't that there is nothing that can get my attention. Different things get my attention for different reasons. Although I have my stresses; I do not live to make my life revolve around the world of another. I know a lot of people lie with credit in several different ways when it comes to motives, causes, and "following the leader." I consider myself a very independent person that gives most credit to myself. I do give people credit for random things at random times, but I have been made more than aware that I have a lot of egocentric people in my life. Some people don't understand how imperative it is that they don't lie about themselves, mislead, or lie about me. Some people don't understand just how deeply offensive, vulgar, morbid, and hateful they are in their own lies and games. Some people have different strengths and weaknesses. Some people can have an innocent emotional denial, while other people can be the biggest lying sore losers and pigs that they are. While I am talking about others, this is what some of my own views are and how I see some people in my life... I have definitely been let down, disappointed, and ganged up on before. I have been betrayed by so many people in so many ways. Finding people I can trust in some ways has always been one of my most difficult challenges. I know I'm not the only person alive with trust issues and some people can be extreme with "trust no one." Life can be heavy, but I like to live with a more light heart. Sometimes being light hearted is a piece of cake while other times it is much easier said than done. ..... I do and don't have any more updates in my love life. I have continued interests and keep my eyes open for others. I have one guy I am still interested in. I hate that I don't understand his innocence. If anything I would guess that it is Justin D' A who wants to keep me in terror with John A. It is almost as if he would permit him to buy me or allow him to be domineering. The other Justin has denied himself. I just hate the way Justin D'A and John are keeping me harassed with John's sick entitlement. While leading Shawn on more in anyway is so against me for me to do; he is on my mind some. I don't want him to take it to his head too much because I don't think he understands how serious of a threat and damnation he was against me in times past. There is a little emotional connection, but it's just not enough. Maybe he is mad over how much of a tease I was in times before. I can't help but be a little bit of a competitive tease with him now, but it isn't necessarily that I'm sold out or he has me back. It's more than just him willing to be my hero against the baby's father. Personally, I'm mad that the social norm is being fed where I can't just keep John rejected on my own and that I have to have another man to get John to Fuck off. I hate the way John feels he deserves to keep me so threatened over the fact that I'm not in a relationship with anyone. I have always hated his nerve and any of his controlling manipulations, threats, or entitlement. I hope more blocks against him come my way and I have other more things to keep so much negativity out.