As The Sarah Turns

A lot of thoughts I still keep to myself that I won't write about................. how or where do I start with myself with who is Mr. Obvious to some?... I haven't felt caught off guard or a little more closely hunted for awhile. He has a smooth way of beating me into submission a little, but I am mostly stunned. I wonder if he still wants me; and he better still want me. I think I have a clue with some things about him, but he has a certain alpha dominance where he is and is not easy to approach and talk to. I like the way he pays attention to me. I just don't know if he is the type that pays attention and forgets about it a day later. I think he caught on with some of my frustrations with the corrupt games people play, and I'm going to have to find other ways of wording it because I like to see new people for the blank slates they are, rather than make or go in accords to how they should be someone else's arbitrage victim. ... The funny thing about this guy is, he has mostly seemed to be a pretty mean bully with me. He looks like he could have a little soft spot now, but I don't know what his change of heart could be... While he made a certain comment where I am damned to his emotional neglect, I'm confused with him overall. Because of the way it was left at that, I feel left to assume while he is being a greater loyalist to some people ({in a confusing arbitrage way} and those certain people being very serious hateful, lying, judge mental, violently offensive, and violently serious enemies of mine)he doesn't want to understand the serious enemies they will always be no matter what. I know I was lightly called an asshole. The murder was not that he ever said it in a violent way at all; the murder was his intentional way of ignoring me like my past history was nothing and that I never meant a thing I said against my enemies. He doesn't want to accept my truth for what it was and is now. I'm confused with him and besides that instance, can't help the way I get turned on to the bully he is and the way I know I am being watched by him. He is making me have something to prove. Besides me going about like I always do in work; I'm not sure what it is he wants me to prove. He isn't always clear. ......... There are a lot of other things I think to myself that I plan on keeping to myself or possibly talking about in another time.